You may have needed to physically detach for your sanity and in order to emotionally detach. However, it does sound like going dark did make it easier for her to move on and leave. She didn't have to question what she was leaving behind because the door felt closed.
BTW, I think the reason OM called that one time when she was having dinner with you is because he probably felt a little jealous and threatened. If this had turned out to be a positive experience she might have left questioning her decision a little more.
I strongly disagree. These forums are FILLED with examples of how "being nice" does -- at best -- NOTHING to change the wayward's behavior, and -- at worst -- just emboldens them and makes the betrayed spouse feel like crap for having their boundaries violated.
He did the right thing. The "nice" was the dinner, and his wife knows that, and she knows she blew it by taking that call.
Puppy
I'll go into a little more detail regarding the call.
Her phone rang, and she stared at the caller ID for 3 rings before picking it up. She had a short conversation ("Uh Huh, No, Uh Huh, Etc) and when she hung up I asked if that was her BF (I called him by name).
"Well, I won't bother to lie because I know you will just find out the truth anyway...yes".
"Do you think it is appropriate to take a phone call from the partner in your adulterous affair standing in the home we built together? Did you notice S7 standing not 10' from you while you talked to him?"
"I didn't ask him to call..."
"You didn't have to answer the phone."
I moved close to her and cupped her face in one hand while I said softly (close enough to kiss her) "I'm sorry, but you are going to have to leave."
"Now?"
"Right now"
She was upset and teared up (for the first (and last) time since the bomb) and grabbed her things. As I escorted her thru the door she stammered "BUT I DIDN'T ASK HIM TO CALL!".
"{Name}, you have invited a third party into our marriage, and I can't live with that. I'll stand for our marriage as long as I can, but until you are willing to work together with me on it, I'll ask that you only contact me in regards to our kids or your D."
"Nothing has happened!"
"An emotional affair is just that, an affair. If it were OK you would not have felt the need to keep it secret."
I closed the door leaving her on the front porch, only then realizing her car was around back. She had to hoof it between the houses.
From that day forward, any time she entered my house it was without her phone.
H: 38 W: 36 S: 8 S: 5 M: 16 Bomb: 8/25/08 OM: 9/21/08 EA (Possible PA) with co-worker since 5/08 (at least...) Sep: 9/21/08 D Filed 9/23/08 My Situation
She had to hoof it between the houses. 