The Flames are Still Rising....

[S.T. _I Made It!]

that's funny about the spiders...and I LOVED your comeback. did you actually say that? hahah

actually, on the flea bites, for many people, they are not bothersome, only when they actually are climbing on you and bite, but even then it's not something that hurts, and she probably hardly noticed. But still, it's gross, and she's most likely on the floor a lot and I wouldn't want my baby having flea bites either. I'm glad you did not go crazy on him. On bombing the house, the chemicals from that is more harmful to her than the fleas. I don't know what a good amount of time to wait for her to go there afterwards, but I'd say at least a week. Especially because she'll be crawling on the floor.

not sure what other idea there could be, oh, except you could put something natural on her skin.... yeah, I get to research something....hold on

[S.T. _I Made It!]

that's funny about the spiders...and I LOVED your comeback. did you actually say that? hahah

actually, on the flea bites, for many people, they are not bothersome, only when they actually are climbing on you and bite, but even then it's not something that hurts, and she probably never noticed. However, she could be allergic and it cause itching. Either way, it is gross, and she's most likely on the floor a lot and I wouldn't want my baby having flea bites either. I'm glad you did not go crazy on him. On bombing the house, the chemicals from that is more harmful to her than the fleas. I don't know what a good amount of time to wait for her to go there afterwards, but I'd say at least a week or two. Especially because she'll be crawling on the floor.

not sure what other idea there could be, oh, except you could put something natural on her skin.... yeah, I get to research something....hold on

here's one
“Thin slice a lemon or lime, peals and all, into two cups of water. Heat the water to boiling and let sit overnight. Sponge your children or pets in the morning with the lemon scented water, and let it dry. It will soothe the skin, smell really nice, and keep the fleas off for about 1/2 a day.” You’ll be a magnet for fruit flies and yellow jackets, but you won’t be bothered by fleas."

another one, but was for animals, so I have no idea if it's okay for babies.

"Mix at least 1 Ounce of water, 10 drops of Lavender, and 5 drops of Lemon in the spray bottle. Check the scent of the mix. If it is too strong dilute by adding water. It is better to have a weaker scented mix than a strong one. Shake vigorously, and spray 10" away from animal."

[S.T. _I Made It!]

oops. my computer was being weird.

[blindsided1]

Yes, ST I DID SAY THAT. And, I had a little chuckle as I said the words. He's ridiculous.

So, tonight. He called me. I let it go to vm. He texted me "call me" I ignored it. He called me 3 more times. Finally, I answered. He wanted to know if I could pick KC up early because he had to watch "the boys" (her kids). I just said "fine, no problem" As a matter of fact, I told him I would be there early. I met him. He put K in the car. I asked when she ate last. 4 1/2 hours ago. WTF? I said "why hasn't she eaten in so long?" He replied "I got her home and she screamed for an hour in her crib and then finally fell asleep for 3 hours. I had to wake her up to bring her here". Ummmmmm....#1 - not healthy to let your 8 month old scream for an hour....#2 - she's never slept during the day for more that 2 stints of 1 1/2 hours. #3 - She should be fed every 3 hours at the latest. I gave him her meal plan, alternate, bottle.....solids....bottle .....solids.

I was kinda pissed because I had plans. But, I was GREAT. Met him, asked when she ate, how much she slept. Put her in her car seat...said "See you Sunday" and left. IIIIIIII walked away ....IIIIII walked away. I didn't stand there waiting for him to start a conversation. I didn't stand there waiting to say ANYTHING. I DIDN'T CARE. It feels GREAT and SCARY.

I have to say....I really think it's getting to THAT point. I can't really stand him. I think about what I've been thru this last year and a half. How do you take THAT person back? AND, forgive? How? I don't really feel the same. I don't really love him THAT way. I want him to be OK. I want him to have a decent life (not a wonderful one,.....sorry, not that advanced yet). I realize that this OW...she'll be gone soon. But, there is nothing left in my heart to be there for HER. And, I know, she'll reach out. I want to be sooooooooo far away from that BS. That I can even smell it downwind....four miles away.

I love you guys. There is NO WAY I could have gotten through this without you. I know I'm not there, yet. But, I feel close.

FG - don't leave me. I NEED you very much to keep me solid and on the right path. And, I genuinely LOVE you. You are my BS radar.

SO2 - you'll always be my friend. I plan on trading horror stories when our daughters are teenagers. Did you see the pics on my personal FB?

ST - you have kept me balance between spirituality and "humanity". I adore you.

His Wife - I can't even express how much you have helped me. I miss you very much.

Tomato - Thank you for reminding me that God is in my corner.

Nik B - Missing you lately. But, understanding that maybe you havve your own life to live. But, thanks for checking on me. You were one of the firsts. I will always remember you 2 X 4's - OUCH.

All the others...and I hope I have not offended anyone....everyone who has posted and given support. I LOVE YOU.

I am not leaving the board. I just thought that maybe, it was time to give some praise and let you ALL know how much I TRULY appreciate you....ALL OF YOU.

You'e not getting rid of me that quickly. I'll still be posting as much, if not more. I just wanted to give PROPS.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

[Startingover2]

(((BS))))) You are sweet and I so appreciate your friendship too!

I hope you write down all this stuff about the fleas and the screaming in her crib for an hour. I know the dog ate the other one LOL, but that stuff is worth noting. How can he let her scream? He doesn't see her that often. Why would he do that?

Hope you have a good weekend.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

wow, for a second I DID think you were leaving!!! But I'm glad you are not.

I'm very glad you are getting to a point where you are not stuck in "him" anymore.

Her sleeping 3 hours isn't unheard of, I have friends that say there baby naps 5 hours sometimes, but letting her cry for an hour, that is not right. I know people let there kids cry it out, but that is way way way too long. perhaps he didn't know exactly how long and was just guessing, but still. What did you tell him about that? I would think it would be a good idea to say something in a calm way how the doctors say not to let your baby cry for more than such and such minutes.

I would get that issue resolved because when they do have the other baby, she is obviously not going to get as much attention, I mean that's how it is with any child when a baby comes into the picture, so it would be best to get it taken care of asap.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

oh, and thank you for your nice words! I love compliments words of affirmation is MY top 5LL

[blindsided1]

See...I'm still here.

ST - I have told him that it is not a good idea to let her cry for probably more than 15 min or so. How can it be a good idea to allow your 8 month old to cry to the point of possible hyperventalation?

SO2 - you ALWAYS know how to reach me, even when I'm not online so much.

This weekend was pretty okay. Saturday, I went and had dinner with friends I haven't seen in months. It was a great meal and wonderful conversation. I love them so.

Sunday, I spent with my niece and nephew while K was with her Dad. I have to say...this morning when I went to meet him (he was 15 minutes late) K and I were sitting in the car....listening to music, giggling, drinking water from my water bottle. Daddy pulled up... she saw him and got a huge smile on her face. He loved it. I LOVED IT. It did mean a lot to me. I was brief with him. Kept myself busy all day. He brought her home. He was semi-pleasant. After he left. I noticed that his house keys were in her bag of clothes. I called him and told him. I asked what he wanted me to do with them. He said I'm coming "home...I mean back" right now. I know it means nothing. But, it sounded sooooo familiar....it made me pause for a moment. When he got to the house...he was grumpy. Whatever.... the ever changing moods of my STBX H.

So, back to the grind, tomorrow. Not looking forward to getting up at 5am (which will actually be 4am because of Daylight Saving Time). But, it's another week.

THE baby will be here soon. Praying everyday that I can handle it.....

[Startingover2]

You can handle it!! You have been preparing yourself for this. I think it will be interesting to see what happens and how your H will juggle all of this. Lack of sleep and a screaming baby tends to make people tense...especially when one or both parents are not happy.

I just have a feeling that something is going to happen in your sich with your H. Maybe a few months down the road, but it will happen. He seems to be antsy again. Stand back and watch! Love ya.

[blindsided1]

Okay, I think the baby thing is starting to get to me. I have a rash on both my arms. This is my stress indicator. I get some kind of ecsema (spelling?) when I get stressed about something. And, I woke up this morning at 3am and that was the first thing that popped into my head. Then I couldn't go back to sleep. So, I'm basically, running on empty today.

I know I'll be okay. I'll just figure it out somehow. But, I also know that I have been pushing down the pain of this situation for a while. It's going to come out somehow. I just hope I figure out a way to release my hurt and my anger in a constructive way.

I feel battered and abused by him. I feel like..not only did he destroy my world..our family....he continued to make sure that he pushed me down as much as possible....I have worked hard to forgive him. But, I am still struggling with that. I think I could forgive him if he ever felt sorry he hurt me or he tried not to hurt me anymore. But, since he seems incapable of that, it makes it difficult to forgive him. I hope that makes sense.