Believe it or not, lots of great quotes from the Rocky movies! That might be one of the best, the one about dames make your legs weak is pretty good too. I just re-activated my Facebook page today. There was lots of drama there for me so I killed it a few weeks back, but I thought now was a good time to come back. I am having one of those "What am I doing?" days. Sort of blue and not really sure why. I hate the blahs!
Yes. If you want to save your marriage start fighting for it. GET OVER THE BAD. If you want to see what else could happen for you as a singleton then it sounds like you have them lining up to meet you. You actually don't have crappy options in front of you--but one is much more difficult than the other. What's it going to be?
I know that a lot of the DB'ers here are religious folk -- you can tell that from some of their posts.
Now I am most definitely NOT a religious person, so all you people of faith should take this with several thousand grains of salt, but one of my very close friends is a good and devout Christian man who lives his faith every day.
See -- opposites do attract!
We had lunch the other day, and even though MWD says you shouldn't rally the troops, I did. For me, it helps me confirm my conviction to fight by hearing myself work hard to tell The Story fairly -- to hear that I'm not glossing over my part in it, my responsibility for it.
Then we did the role-reversal and he talked about his struggles with finding a mate -- or, at this stage, even a date -- in a part of the U S of A where "his people" are in fairly short supply.
(My advice: Run away, don't do it! He's a member of an evangelical faith, and I suggested this might be a great time to start a monk-hood. The women'll kill ya!)
And then he said something pretty profound, even to a non-believing heathen like me.
He said that he'd recently changed the way he prayed.
Instead of asking his god for this or that, he now asks his god to "give me what I need." And he puts his faith in that god knowing what he needs, even though my friend himself does not.
So in my case, he said, instead of praying for me "the old way" -- "dear lord, DrHemlock is trying to save his marriage, please help him" -- he was going to pray for me his "new way": "dear lord, DrHemlock is trying to save his marriage; please give him what he needs."
I thought that was pretty good.
Because even though we're fighting for our M's, even though we believe, we know, we KNOW that our M's are RIGHT -- there's always the possibility that, in fact, we're wrong. That WAS is not the one -- that no matter how much we DB, there's always the possibility that we're DB'ing for the wrong person.
Because as stillloveshim (my newest and bestest hero of them all) put it above, we've BOTH changed during the process.
We can know our changes, our 180s, the things we did to GAL.
But when we detach, as we must -- AS I MUST (and I'll get on that any decade now) -- we can't know their changes. Just like my bud might not really know what he needs -- he mistakes his want for his need.
And for me that's one of the great lessons MWD teaches -- that by DB'ing WE become new, even if we don't get our outcome and our M's do not become (re)new(ed).
So if worse comes to worst, we still get what we need -- renewal -- even if we don't get what we want.
Dr. and JB Good morning! I agree with the good Dr. We need to hope for what we need as opposed to what we want. "You don't always get what you want....but sometimes you get what you need." Not a huge fan but do love that song. It's weird how songs you heard years ago and had not one attachment too becomes poiginant later. I also did something against the DB rules. I moved out. But for me, it was the right thing. It made my H realize "Oh crap, what if she moves on?" He's around more than ever now and has even really talked to me about his unhappiness and why he left. JB--have you asked about Family Night?
Not yet . Had my children yesterday . My youngest Alicia who is 9 would not let go of me all day . My D15 was extremely quiet . I can see its affecting them . Wife is still standoffish and her last-mail stated that she doesn't love me anymore so I can no longer hurt her . I believe the OM is still around .
He's a member of an evangelical faith, and I suggested this might be a great time to start a monk-hood. The women'll kill ya!)