Retrouvaille saved me - AN #3

[AnotherNightmare]

Hi techguy,

Good to hear from you. I hope everything is going well for you.

You know... I'm a super-duper, ultra logical, high IQ guy who spent six months of his life trying to analyse my sitch, just like you. I read book after book, poured over the posts here, spent countless hours just thinking.

Well, I am not sure I spent that much time analyzing my sitch. I realize I spent a lot of time trying to fix my sitch and my W. I am a doer, I usually get things done without a lot of thinking. I have a solution for everything. Maybe I should have analyzed the sitch a little more, should have tried to look at it with her eyes. When I do that, I can see that she has some very dim choices:

Either she stays in a marriage with a guy she is not sure she still loves. Or she tries to run, but where. If she stays in this country, which on the surface seems to be better for the kids, because we can co-parent in a relatively friendly way, she does not get what she wants in terms of being with her extended family, plus the OM is not an option either. If she tries to go back to Germany, she risks a custody battle that could take years and could be very detrimental for our kids. So that is a tough decision she needs to make.

Obviously I would know what I would choose, but I do not know what I would choose if I were in her shoes. It seems like there are a few genes missing on that Y chromosome that would enable me to look at it with female and motherly eyes.

In the end, I've come to the firm conviction that I will never understand my wife. She doesn't understand herself. It's all futile. Just focus on yourself... it's truely the only thing you can control.

Very true. And I still have a lot of work to do on myself. And as long as that is the case, I am not going to move on in terms of M. But certainly at some point in the future, when I think I have healed and dealt with my own issues and problems, it is time to make that decision. Will I try to hang on, be patient and wait for her decision if she has not made it by then or do I move on without her? I can and will make all the changes necessary to make myself a better person, and those changes are necessary, but maybe not sufficient to save our M and improve our R.