I'm reading along, sometimes from my cellphone when I can't respond well. I see you are afraid, angry/frustrated, impatient, not in control. You want to impose a 'deadline'. I also see you still love H and that he still loves you and the kids but there's a big disconnect. Deep down you really don't want separation and D but your words and actions appear to be pushing your H further away. His/your personality and emotional maturity are such that he does not read you the way you "expect" to be read and you and he have a lot of expectations and feelings that are not really being communicated. He walked away and keeps his distance because he does not have the skills to handle the 'sitch'.
I can tell you that holding a gun to your H's head - that's what the D and lawyer actions will do - will hurt him to the core and push him further away.
You wondered if I was 'agitated'. I'm actually very concerned about you and your state of being. I was afraid that all the "empathy" and "advice" you are getting may push you to do what you "feel" is "right" or take some sort of extreme "pointed position" in search of peace of mind.
I like the kind of womanly support you are getting from Ali (except I don't understand the Astrology). And do listen to what some of the men are saying too - perhaps that's more important than what the women are saying as far as connecting with and learning how to love your H.
You mentioned that you started to look at your spiritual side and that you believed in God. Perhaps this is something to explore much more because come to think of it we actually understand and control very little.
