And, then, I'm not sure I should really say much about not getting a break or feeling lonely because he could easily look at me like "WTF. You get to stay home and I'm running around selling my soul and you're NOT HAPPY??" That thought comes from my martyr place: I truly feel like I SHOULD be happy with all that I have.
This is a very tough one for sure. That does come from your Martyr Place love but they are still your feelings. I lived in a beautiful house once too, with a view and a pool in the back and I am/was blessed, It didn't change that I was 'lonely' or 'depressed' My H would say. " what more do you want ?" when I would lose it with the kids. I was a Mom 24/7. I was not Ali for more than a Minute a day. I lost me and he lost me. Eh~ long story. Lucky~ I am so glad you are here. I do think you need a break just a tiny bit of time for you. Like D~ is saying. Some alone girly time. It will feel funny and sinful at first but try it. { well it did for me I had 5 kids} Can you find a baby sitter just for you , to take Yoga or go sit and have a coffee?
Keep posting. And guess what? none of your thoughts are dumb. You are beautiful { saw your pics} and intelligent,loving and bright. You are just down feeling like POO today. Love , Ali
