Thanks for your feedback FIB - I know you tell it like it is, and you are correct, I do blame myself and am insecure and feel out of control. S11 started counseling last week, and both W & I met individually and together with the C before S11 went, so he has a good idea of the family dynamic.
I guess a big part of the problem is that I do feel largely to blame for our sitch, and I can't seem to get past that.
I have all the books you recommended, and am reading NUTS and Gray's M&V Starting Over. I realize from NUTS that I need to get in a mens group, can't find one in my area yet, but I'm looking. I also need to quiet the little boy and be a rock, and that is really hard because I don't have many friends, most of my support is from this group, and my self esteem is the lowest it has ever been.
I realize from Gray that I need to grieve the death of my marriage, and I'm trying to do that without trying (Gray says don't try, just let it happen), but it's extremely hard with day-to-day interaction with WAW because of the split living arrangement and both of us very involved with kids activities.
I know, boo hoo, poor me, grow a pair you wuss. It is a pretty whiny letter. I'll talk with her once I figure out what to say and how to say it. It used to be so easy and natural to talk with W, now it's...not. *sigh*
