I sat here for a while trying to Eckhart Tolle my way out of my annoyance. Recognize the feeling, take hold of it, create space between the feeling and myself...
Have you read the New Earth? You can throw a shoe or 2 at me if you want, my question does have a point. LOL~*~ I am sorry you feel like poo. Ali
Sweetie, you're in a funk but try to realize it is all part of the journey. If you weren't in a funk now and then, then YOU wouldn't be driving YOURSELF toward a better tomorrow. If you just accepted things as they are but didn't like them, then you'd end up just lonely and bitter. When your psyche does like it is doing today and cries out for more happiness, it will prompt you to find whatever changes you have to find to acheive it. Without the crying out, you'd never even look for changes.
Don't accept just "good enough" ever! Keep fighting against it, even if only on this board and in your private thoughts! Don't be complacent when you know you truly want MORE!
That of course, doesn't help you feel any better, especially not right now. But it will help you to not succomb to the feeling that you are simply supposed to go along with something you truly don't want to go along with.
Question: (spoken in Dwight's voice, from The Office): Have you ever had a blow up at hubby and said these things about him being too considerate? I'm not suggesting you do, I am just wondering if he has any clue how you feel?
Because I think there could be ways you could tell him how you feel without losing it on him, but you are too close to losing it right now to say anything.
Not saying anything will just build resentment forever and then when you finally do say something he will just be getting a storm of unresolved feelings....which (as you know) isn't fair to him.
This isn't really advice, just a question so we can look at how to maybe handle thingg in the future.
My fear is that you really do need help as you are slipping into a depression, but you won't ask for it. :0(
1.MY THOUGHTS ARE SO STUPID I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M EVEN WRITING THEM. 2. I wish he would just stand tall and take what he wants for himself and for his family. 3.Does he not see how he hides himself (and consequently me and the baby) in a corner?
First of all your thoughts are not stupid. I believe you are writing them b/c you think and feel them ,,, they are there.
Also if you liked Eckhart Tolle. He is the what ? And Byron Katie Is the how.
I read the New Earth too and could not get how to make it work and when I started using INQUIRY and THE WORK. VOILA ~!~* Magic.. it worked and it fast forwarded my way out of my negative constipated if you will emotions and thoughts.
so I will give you and example. With your first comment about hubby. Very justified. I hate when my H won't Man up either. *yuck*
So here goes~*~ I wish he would just stand tall and take what he wants for himself and for his family.
Is it true? { you then answer the question with a yes or no answer} Yes or no? Can you know it is absolutely true? yes or no?
How do you react when you think this thought?
I get mad. I think he is such a nice guy ...eewh. I want to throw my shoe at him. { write down everything and get as childish as you want to get , do not try to be PC or nice}
Who would you be w/o that thought that he should stand tall and takes what he wants for him and his family?
Calm ? Happy? Who would you be? ~close your eyes and picture who you would be.
Then
Quote:
After you've investigated your statement with the four questions, you're ready to turn it around (the concept you are questioning).
Each turnaround is an opportunity to experience the opposite of your original statement and see what you and the person you've judged have in common.
A statement can be turned around to the opposite, to the other, and to the self (and sometimes to "my thinking," wherever that applies). Find a minimum of three genuine examples in your life where each turnaround is true.
For example, "Paul doesn't understand me" can be turned around to "Paul does understand me." Another turnaround is "I don't understand Paul." A third is "I don't understand myself."
Be creative with the turnarounds. They are revelations, showing you previously unseen aspects of yourself reflected back through others. Once you've found a turnaround, go inside and let yourself feel it. Find a minimum of three genuine examples where the turnaround is true in your life.
As I began living my turnarounds, I noticed that I was everything I called you. You were merely my projection. Now, instead of trying to change the world around me (this didn't work, but only for 43 years), I can put the thoughts on paper, investigate them, turn them around, and find that I am the very thing I thought you were. In the moment I see you as selfish, I am selfish (deciding how you should be). In the moment I see you as unkind, I am unkind. If I believe you should stop waging war, I am waging war on you in my mind.
The turnarounds are your prescription for happiness. Live the medicine you have been prescribing for others. The world is waiting for just one person to live it. You're the one.
*From Byron Katie The Work Website*
Now turn it around Lucky. I wish *I* would just stand tall and take what *I* wants for *MYSELF* and for *MY* family.
I am new to this so I must admit I have a hard time with turn arounds at times. Plus this is your "work" not mine so that may also have something to do with it?
You can use this or you can say I am silly and I must have bumped my head this morning or fallen down a steep flight of stairs. I will still love you. But once again if you liked the whole New Earth or Power of now stuff you will love this. Well that is my opinion . At any rate. Try it let me know. Lil is really good at helping if you are stuck. Ali
One step back, two steps forward LG. We all go there from time to time. Don't put any pressure on yourself, just do as much as you feel like doing. Don't push yourself too hard. I adopted this philosophy while working as a waiter a long time ago. My boss would tell me "the way to go faster is to slow down".
If you need a break from the little one, arrange it somehow. Don't be afraid to tell someone you trust exactly what state you are in and ask them from your heart to help you. Please tell your H too, so he knows where you are at.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
One step back, two steps forward LG. We all go there from time to time. Don't put any pressure on yourself, just do as much as you feel like doing. Don't push yourself too hard. I adopted this philosophy while working as a waiter a long time ago. My boss would tell me "the way to go faster is to slow down".
If you need a break from the little one, arrange it somehow. Don't be afraid to tell someone you trust exactly what state you are in and ask them from your heart to help you. Please tell your H too, so he knows where you are at.
When your psyche does like it is doing today and cries out for more happiness, it will prompt you to find whatever changes you have to find to acheive it. Without the crying out, you'd never even look for changes.
Thank God you guys came to my rescue. Thanks for being patient with me. I feel like I can't get out of the trap that I made for myself.
I have mentioned the "overly considerate" thing to H in the past, but I've never blown up about it. For some reason, it is bothering me so much today and yesterday. Yesterday, I couldn't believe he went to work still sick. I felt so annoyed with him, and I realized it was rooted in the same thought. "The Nice Guy sacrifices himself." I can honestly say that I KNOW my H would die for me because he practically kills himself all the time for people of much less importance to his life.
I do feel depressed right now. It comes and goes for me. Some days I feel better. If it ever doesn't go, I will ask for help. I've often thought, "Oh boy. I could take a pill that makes me happy, makes me lose weight, and kills my libido. PERFECT SOLUTION!" (haha). Just have to get through today.
I applied for a job as a teacher's assistant. It would get my son in an excellent private school (that we otherwise could not afford) and it would give me the opportunity to see if teaching is an avenue that I want to take. The job starts in June, so we'll see if I get it. If not, I really need to get a part-time job doing ANYTHING just to have a reason to get out and see other adults.
I really don't want to go back to my "big" job. It is even crazier than what H is doing right now because it's long hours, client madness, and weekday and weekend travel. I'd miss out on so much of the baby's life. And, both of us can't have insane jobs. It is time I found something that works for us AND gets me out of the house.
Ali: So, basically you take your statement and turn it around so that you're looking at why it's a problem for yourself? It isn't easy, especially when you're blind with emotion. It's hard to think through it and know if you're doing it right.
Thinking about the statement you turned around makes me cry. Am I not standing up? I just don't know anymore. It's hard to see clearly right now.
H senses that I'm annoyed and cranky, but I'm sure he has no idea why because I'm monitoring what falls out of my mouth. And, DQ is right. I can't tell him right now because I'm too messed up to handle it well. I have to wait for the fog to clear and then try to explain my feelings. And, then, I'm not sure I should really say much about not getting a break or feeling lonely because he could easily look at me like "WTF. You get to stay home and I'm running around selling my soul and you're NOT HAPPY??" That thought comes from my martyr place: I truly feel like I SHOULD be happy with all that I have. I feel like a spoiled brat. And I'm not positive that running out to work and juggling daycare and making dinner and doing dishes and packing food and sippy cups *without any hubby during the week* is going to make me so happy, either.
Lucky, it does sound like you are in a depression, for sure. Due to this, its really difficult for you to be able to process any advice, so instead here's some ((((((((((hugs))))))))).
Just get through today and this weekend, and by next week if you don't feel better then you'd better make that dr. appointment to ask for SOMETHING....not necessarily the anti-d's but we'll see next week how you are feeling.
When will you know if you get the job?
Do you have any sisters, or could your mom come and stay with you for a few days, both to give you some company and also so you could take a few shopping trips alone?? You need to sit with a coffee in a bookstore and let your mind wander around all those ideas, all by yourself, for several hours. How can we help you make this happen?
