BrianR - Sorry that you're here - but you're in the right place. It seems you've already been thinking about things in a healthy way - and are getting a good sense about what you have to do for you - that's definitely the first step toward getting healthy. Have you read the books?
Right now, I would encourage you to keep posting - get to know people - build up a few contacts here. It seems like a lot of us come into this site in waves, and in those waves we form bonds that last through a lot of this process of rebuilding - for some, it becomes a project of rebuilding themselves - for others, there is that chance at rebuilding the self and the marriage in turn.
I say this to all newcomers - find Coach's threads - and read them - he's a good man - with a powerful sense of what it means to improve oneself as a man. My coach didn't work out like Coach's in that he and his wife were able to work things out - while in my situation, getting some perspective meant that I had to admit that my wife and I were in an emotionally abusive relationship. I've taken steps to solve/resolve/change that in my self - she will not - and so I've opted not to look for reconciliation anymore...but that's just my story - every story and situation here is different...but the only thing that's the same is the need to find oneself - and strengthen that new-found self with a healthier foundation.
