Newly Seperated - What To Do?

[2gthrButApart]

I'm new here too, so can't really offer any words of wisdom yet.

The thing that has been "working" a lil' for me was trying to remember the complaints my H has made about me or our M, and trying to do complete 180's.

I've been showing changes, but NOT TELLING him I'd change. Thats' a big mistake I made when we 1st started having M problems last spring, I said I'd change, and I would. For a couple of wks. Then the old me would come back. Now he's having a hard time believing I can change. So basically now I'm proving myself to me, then to him. The walls of trust need to be able to open again.

It takes a lot of self control, but you can definitely do it if your M is important enough to save, and I know it is or you wouldn't be looking to save it. Acting "As If" is super hard, but it helps in a weird way. I know I bottle things up too, and acting as if isnt bottling things up, it's holding back, acting like you're not angry, then expressing your feelings in a non harsh non complaining way.

When you don't show your weakness, by reacting to their nasty comments, they have nothing to feed off of, like a bully in school. If you ignore them they get bored, they quit trying to make you angry, there's no point.

Read DR, and practice what it says, and follow advice from the experienced members here. A lot of them really know their stuff.

Good Luck....We are in the same boat.