Lately, nothing new has been happening. We each do our own thing. I did have lunch with her the other day and we did alot of talking. She mentioned some things that indicated that she has realized that there were things that happened in the past that she always seemed to blame me for weren't really my fault. And that she realized throughout her life that she always leaves a little door open to escape things when it gets really hard. I'm wondering why she is telling me this. But she had to get back to work so we just had to end it.
But then this morning while eating breakfast, she asks me about how my first IC session last night went and if there is anything that she needs to know about. I said no there wasn't. Then, out of the blue, she asks me if I think we could still remain friends later on. My heart sank inside. I tried not to show it and just replied I don't know.
I said sometimes I don't what she is thinking and asked about the things she mentioned at lunch the other day cause I got the impression that she has resolved some of those issues. She says that she is figuring out why we had issues and how we got here. But that she is out of love and so she is analyzing the past so that it won't happen with another relationship. And that she doesn't need anymore counseling about anything. And as you can imagine, I'm feeling like I'm getting punched in the gut at this point, but trying hard to not show it.
Right now, I can't help but feel that me trying to focus on myself and giving her space is just letting her detach herself from me even more, and that the only reason she hasn't just filed for D is that she is just waiting for me to give up.
