The Flames are Still Rising....

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Thanks you guys. I needed the lift. I agree. I know she is scared sh!tless. Who wouldn't be. Little does she know he is trying to find his ex-girlfriend. I think one of the things that hurts is that if he is looking to bail on her, why is he looking for his ex instead of coming home to me? I know I don't want him the way he is now...but, the idea that I'm NOT an option, sucks.

He's already tried to get back to you, IMHO, with all the sex talks and stuff, but your not going to take him as he is. You don't want THAT man, you want a real man. If he can't ever figure that out, and he may not, then you do not want what is left of him, because right now it is empty.

You've got so much more ahead of your life than he does, AND OW does. Believe that. There lives are heading for destruction. Sin leads to death. And there whole R is based on sin.

keep focusing on you. and maybe you should take him off as your friend, but that will probably cause some issue and drama if you do.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

your weekend sounded great! I've never been to a greek restaurant. Glad your interaction with H went well too. Just keep that distance, it is good for you both really.

and yes, you are nice. I think it is perfectly fine to encourage him as a father, because he will be her father for life. So the more you encourage good behavior, the better their R will be.

[blindsided1]

It was great. So, interesting night, last night. About 2 weeks ago, H got a new phone number on OW's cell account. Wasn't going to tell me and was going to keep his old number (from our joint account). So, last week I transferred the his old number to one of my old phones and forwarded it to my current phone. I told him I was going to do this. I get calls from his creditors and just give them the new phone number to call him on. Last Saturday, I got a call at 3:30am...I answer...hang up. I get a call at 5:30am...I answer...hang up. H tells me on Sunday that he wants me to forward his calls from his old number to his new number because "people" might still call him on his old phone. I say...okay (knowing I won't do it). Or, he suggests, I can just cancel the number. I said, "no, I'm going to keep it". So, last night I get a call from a unfamiliar number. I let it go to vm. They call back. I answer. Some man starts talking to me about "I thought you were going to transfer..." I said "who is this? H?" He says yes and sounds drunk. I ask him if he's been drinking. He says no. He gets all upset because his calls aren't being forwarded to his new phone....because potential employers might call the number and when they hear a woman's voice they won't leave a message...it's just unprofessional...blah blah blah. This doesn't jive because he asked me to cancel the number before. So, I know he is getting calls on his old number from people (women?) he doesn't want me to know about. Who's he afraid will call? And, why would a potential employer call at 11:30 at night? So, I get off the phone. Go to bed and he calls AGAIN at 12:45am. I don't answer. He leaves no vm.

He's on the prowl .... I can feel it in my bones.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

could he be wanting an avenue to keep secrets from OW?

whatever it is, don't be consumed by it, keep your distance and your goals in perspective.

you know your H is messed up....nothing new there.

[Startingover2]

Separated at birth!! LOL

His reasons for keeping the number are so fishy and lame. He is on the prowl and/or is keeping secrets. My exh is the same way.

Doesn't it now make you stand back and say 'what the heck was I thinking?' More than likely he has been doing this all along. It's who he is.

A freind made a comment to me awhile ago about my exh and I think it applies to your H too....This is who they are right now and probably have been forever. They were just good at hiding it. They like who they are and really don't want to change.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

That could be true SO2, but I think the problem lies in the fact that they have never found happiness, and that's why they continue to screw up their lives, because they think that next great thing is it.
IMHO, only a revelation of the need for God can fill the huge gap that is inside them.

[Startingover2]

That could be true SO2, but I think the problem lies in the fact that they have never found happiness, and that's why they continue to screw up their lives, because they think that next great thing is it.
IMHO, only a revelation of the need for God can fill the huge gap that is inside them.

This brought something to mind...when my exh and I were in counseling once he told the counsleor that he knew he had a great wife that loved him, but HE just wasn't happy. So it is a perpetual cycle and we just got caught in the mess.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

you know, it's sad that he realized that, but didn't realize that it wasn't your job to make him happy. I really believe that is a spouses biggest mistake, to look for their husband/wife for happiness and selfworth.

[blindsided1]

Hey all..I'm still here. Just been busy and it's much harder to get online once I'm home. This week has been decent. I am feeling so much more like my old self...I love that. I am confident and don't really give too much of a f!ck anymore. There are days...yes. But, for the most part...I finally realized that having my H in my life NEVER left me feeling good or even the same after I talked to him or saw him. I always felt worse. So, I am pushing him as far out of my world as possible. Does it hurt? Yes....sometimes. But, overall, I'm much happier.

K is STILL perfect. She did come home from her Dad's the other night with about 10 flea bites on her head. I tried to figure out a way to discuss it with him without him getting defensive. But, I knew that was impossible. I called him, asked him what we should do. I suggested that he bomb his house before he has her on Friday. He told me that maybe it's not fleas...maybe it's a spider...because my Mom thinks spiders are good for nature and won't kill them...blah, blah, blah (don't take any responsibility...just deflect it). I said " Well, H, I would consider that if I thought that there could possibly be a spider that crawled around K's head at night and bit her 10 times with one fang." I really haven't come across that kind of spider yet. I told him that I wasn't blaming him. I just thought that we should both take extra precautions. I have never had an issue with fleas. She has had flea bites twice...both times after coming home from H's house. My poor Mom said that now she has to put her pet spiders up for adoption (she was kidding). He's pretty ridiculous. But, I try not to fuel the fire.

I honestly, want him to be not part of my life. I feel sad for that. I feel that it isn't the way it should be. But, I can't be the only one trying to make a R with my daughter's father. So, I give up. I don't really feel like I love him anymore. That hurts. I had hoped that through all this, we could be a family that just didn't live together. We can't. He can't. I don't think he's allowed, honestly. So, for now.... the best thing for K and I is to just be our own family. I have enough to give her. I doubted that for a while. But, I now know....I have enough love...enough good influence...enough common sense...enough responsibility,..enough of what she needs. Daddy just seems to be the icing. I'm the substance (the cake).

For the last few months I have been having the same type of awful dream....I'm with people that I love and they kill someone...I know this, but I don't report it because I'm afraid that I'll be in trouble. I'll end up hurt. I told my Mom about it tonight. she said that it sounds like I'm afraid of something bad happening to me. She suggested that maybe it's the impending arrival of H's son. that struck a cord. I have been pushing it down and NOT dealing with the reality of it. I think I may have mentioned that at one point, I forgot, OW was pregnant. I can't see to GO THERE. I can't seem to make it a reality, right now. But, what is the point? If I make it a reality NOW...it won't make it hurt less when it actually happens. So, I try to prepare...but, how can you? I just have to think of it as...he will be K's brother...that's it!!! And, God willing, it will be a good thing for her.

I also, sorry to disappoint, have seen OW's FB page. For some reason (intentionally, I'm sure) she doesn't have it private. There are pics of K and her kids and "them" and all the tag lines are "Our family at ..." "My loveable, cuddly man" "The love of my life" "precious K". This, I know, is evil. I KNOW she put those up to hurt me...knowing I would look. And, guess what? I did. But, knowing that it was on purpose.....makes me think she has to be pretty desperate, insecure and malicious. So, that's my thought process.

It's coming....the baby. Nothing I can do about it. Just keep trying to distance myself so I don't get burned. But, I will. Maybe 2nd degree....hopefully, not worse.

[Startingover2]

I was going to text you today to see whats been going on. I figured you have been busy.

I say don't look at the FB page, but I am the queen of drive by's Seriously, it only hurts us to know the info but I understand why you do it. I always hope that one day I will see what I don't want to see (her car at exh's) and something will trigger and it won't bother me. Lame thinking though.

It would probably do you some good to think about this baby thats coming. Its a fear of yours and needs to be dealt with. My feeling is when that baby comes your H will be too overwhelmed and will pull away from K at least for awhile.

Flea bites? Nasty! I would have had a fit. I think thats one place that you can be more of a b**ch! I couldn't care less about H's feelings as long as K was safe.

I will try and call you this weekend. Hang in there!