Okay.......I have about 5 minutes left (lol). See, some women and get ready fast!
Pursing for men, I believe, is very natural b/c that is the way God made them. He made women to be "responders" to the man. Again, this is my belief about it. I think for some of us W's that is why it is somewhat difficult to initiate sex b/c some of us are more responder than pursuers.
Anyway, that is why "detachment" is difficult for men. It is for women who are the LBS, also, but in a different way. Men are "fixers" and want to pursue, fix, and get this thing over with and move on!! I dare say that 90% of the people that come on the DB board does not truly understand the differences in "detachment", "going dark", and "dropping the rope". Most don't even understand the principal of lovingly detaching. That is why I have started using the term to "pull back" some instead of detaching b/c a lot of folks carry it too far and then they discover it isn't working b/c they cut themselves off from the M. It is not cutting yourself off from the M! It is pulling back and giving your S some breathing room, some "me" tiome (for them)......just move back and give them some room. Why is that so hard for some folks to understand? I'm nost saying that either of you men here have or haven't done that, I'm just trying to make a point. You can be kind, polite, charming, friendly, and even act loving in your tone of voice, your words and your attitude. When there is no pressure put on the wife by the H, it takes a huge burden off her and she begins is able to relax instead of being drawed up in a knot waiting for the next "speech" to come or for him to try to be in her personal space all the time.
Okay, my H just came ih and told me I'm late (lol). Got to go. I want to finish taking to both of you men if that is okay.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
