I get the image of Socrates and his poisonous drink.
If you love her, let her go.
That is a method of fighting for your marriage. Think about it.. when are you more likely to listen.. when you're struggling to escape or when you're standing free and heard?
It's not about winning the battle. The more you insist, the more she'll resist.
What each of your families say doesn't mean diddly-squat. This is between the two of you, period.
Listen to your counselor.. DON'T make excuses for her. She's a big girl, she can take accountability for her choices. Discuss with your counselor why you feel the need to behave in such a way, get to how you really feel, what's actually going on.
About making your position clear.. she knows it, she doesn't need to hear it over and over. If you maintain that form of dialog she has no reason to talk to you.. because she knows what to expect.
If you want her to approach you, to see be curious as to why you are so different (180) then move forward with making yourself healthy, creating your own 'get a life' activities.
As long as you live your life based on her reactions, you are not living your life.
I only say this, because this is what I lived. If someone is resolute on leaving, if they've already emotionally detached (and probably have been for years) nothing you can say or do will change their minds. Let them go. That does not demean how you feel about your belief in marriage, the sanctity of family.
It puts it on them. They choose to return or they continue on their path.
It's your choice in how you live and see your life, care for your children.
