And she just keeps saying, "If you really loved me you'd let me go. I'll never love you again. You're just making this hard on everyone." And etc.
And it sounds reasonable in an intellectual sense. Of course you'd let someone be happy if that was what you were really interested in.
In our R talks (phone), I make my position clear: I intend to fight. I see a future, regardless of the present and regardless of the past. She makes her position clear: I don't -- that's it, we're irreconcilable.
And that sounds reasonable in an intellectual sense.
Hemlock,
I don't accept your premise, and I'll tell you why:
Your wife right now is an ADDICT. Affairs are HIGHLY addictive, and she is addicted to her affair partner. She is NOT making good decisions right now, so no, it's NOT reasonable to let a person in that condition "go," nor is it reasonable to let their reasoning dictate the course of the marriage, because they're fogged out on the love chemicals.
Just google "brain PEA infidelity" sometime, and do some research on it. It's what made an otherwise intelligent, sane adult female astronaut drive cross-country WEARING AN ADULT DIAPER to save time for bathroom stops, while she went to avenge her man.
There is nothing "reasonable" about letting a fogged-out wayward's terms, thoughts or plans guide the potential end of a marriage. The next time she says "if you loved me, you'd let me go," just say "I understand you feel that way right now. I'm doing what I feel I need to do."
