Good Morning! I read your posts and hear everything. I was furious last night. After talking with Ali for an hour she calmed me down (thanks sweets ) and I woke up in a better mood today. But I cant move very well, my back muscles are worse than yesterday. I used heat wraps at night but didnt help much, I think all the tension came out this way.
Regarding the custody etc. I am not going to push if he cant do it. I will not give him 100% custody although I am tempted. I think my kids will not want to leave the house and it would hurt them in the long run. I will demand that he takes them for a month during summer vacation because I really dont know what to do with them, during their break, my parents cant help as much anymore and I am dreading June 15th already, plus that we split all school breaks. I will also demand he pays for the divorce and that he gives me more money per month. If he doenst agree, I will take him to court. If he does, we go ahead and do it jointly.
I am writing a closure letter that I will give copies of to him and my C tomorrow. I dont think I will be able to speak out all these things because ther are my inner thoughts and frustrations. I know I will look weak and vulnerable but that is the truth and ultimately my strength. Ali is right about not talking honestly with each other. It's my last chance to tell it as I feel it.
I realised I hoped something would change. Even until last night I hoped he would just say "Maria,I want you to know this is not what I want but I am going along because you say you do". I remembered when he cried outside the C 3 months ago, how I felt my heart softening. It would be so easy to turn this around even after all that has happened. But he cant do anything.
GFI, if we divorce I will stop expecting things from him. I will stop living in a sitch where I dont know anymore if I am alone or not. I will be free to start over. He will still see the kids of course. My problem is I want him to see the kids MORE not less (ironic, so many men here fighting to have time with their kids and I am fighting for my H to have time with our kids...).
Does he love me? Cant tell Does he love the kids? yes, very much Do I love him? Honestly? I love him some still. But I am ready to live without him. He is not good for me. He brings me down.
I am NOT pulling the plug easily. Or too quickly. K
) and I woke up in a better mood today. But I cant move very well, my back muscles are worse than yesterday. I used heat wraps at night but didnt help much, I think all the tension came out this way.
