The more I think about it, the more I wonder if the 'old' H would come back. Actually it's quite nice during the week when I don't expect him to come around and I don't see him. The kids and I have a nice life together, low stress, we have many laughs and it's actually quite a pleasant life. But when the weekends roll around, I wonder what time he will show up, if he will be late, if he would let us down, if he would rush the kids to get into bed so he could go and have his 'me' time. Happens every Sunday. He rushes things because he wants to get away.
It makes me think that I don't want him around so much. I man I loved, the man I cared about and who cared about me doesn't exist anymore. This is not the man I knew.
H went camping with D a couple of months ago. I just talked with her camp counsellor and she said that H was physically present but he was not really there in spirit. What a shame. I thought it would be a great opportunity for D and H to share and to bond. But it was not to be. He is so self-absorbed that he can't REALLY be there for his D. She said he would do the activities but right afterwards he would go sit by himself and not talk with anyone. I asked her if he was bonding with D and she said he just wasn't mentally there. I guess this is why they call it the fog.
Very optimistic about my own happiness. Not so optimistic about H's journey and his way back home or his way out of his self-imposed misery and moral dilemma. So wondering if it is nearly time to remove ourselves. Don't know. Hate to give up, it's just not me. But don't want to do what my aunt did. She waited ten years for my uncle to come home. He never did and he had an affair with her sister in the meantime...
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
