Wife is out and annouced OM to all #2

[25yearsmlc]

MC,

WE have all learned that there never were any guarantees, so to an extent our fears are something we didn't have before, b/c we assumed there were some guarantees and we were wrong. There was, and is always a risk in choosing to love. Always.

So, of course now that we know what the down side to the risk is; DEEP PAIN...we're gun shy. We'd be idiots not to be. It's just that all that "Standing" time means---I don't know what it means---IF we end up getting exactly what we prayed for only to then turn away from it.

Geez, I don't know the answers. I felt at one point the reason my M would probably end (which it has not) was actually b/c I would not get past the behaviors, and the kids had seen it, and I wasn't sure what the right thing to do was in that arena,(b/c you can't tell if it's your pride or trying to set a healthy example that is guiding you, if that makes sense) and my pride blurred with self respect, so it made it hard to know the diff between setting/enforcing a healthy boundary, and being punitive, like telling myself that it was "teaching h a lesson" "consequences", blah blah blah...

I used some of Marianne Williamson's books and materials about forgiveness and anger, that helped me so much that I don't think we'd have made it this far without her. She's a tad 'new agey' for some, but her exercises on forgiveness were great. I NEEDED THE EXERCISES...the experiential approach rather than didactic lecturing was what helped me to stop the obsessing and not let the anger consume me...yes, losing the anger was for me and our children, first and foremost..

So we are farther along in our restoration b/c of them. Does NOT mean we are done and like I said, we/I have backslides.

I did not really expect to be here in Piecing, b/c back then I thought the M had a 10% chance of surviving his departure....yet here we are. It's tenuous but getting more solid in a two steps forward one step back type of way. I think we're approaching a crossroads where we'll either end up renewing our vows and meaning it, letting go of the past and moving forward together with the lessons learned and processed and behaviors addressed/changed...or we'll be done.
I'll be fine either way but cannot say the same for h. I feel bad for him and the R's with the kids for he was once a happy interactive father with them...I pray they'll find their way back to each other some day.

I'm rambling. But I know what you mean about the anger. Who's to say God did not soften your heart and what you are seeing as utter confusion, is actually a softening? I choose to believe that in my case. But like others have said, "take your time and protect yourself, as best you can in a realm where NONE of us is ever truly "safe"... make sense?

Take care
(( j ))