Happy Valentine' Day. - Your night out and even DANCING sounds really super, including the flowers in your bedroom. Your H finally appreciates you again. GREAT.
if there is OW in the picture, more then likely she is paying alot more attention to her looks, and to your Husband then you were.
Maybe it is superficial and shallow, but Men are attracted to physical beauty first. It is how they are made, they can't help it. They notice Women.
Well, let's see. My H had a size 6 (now size 2, thanks to the MLC diet) wife who may not have had a face to launch 1000 ships, but was in better shape and more fit than any woman (of any age) he knew. He left her for a woman half her age, who also did not have a face to launch ships, but was two or three times the size of his W--she probably tipped the scales at over 300 pounds. He went from shopping the smaller sizes at Victoria's Secret to Googling "plus size lingerie."
Did the fact that I didn't wear makeup or care much about clothes (I pay more attention to those things now, though I will never be a fashion diva) make me so worthless in his eyes that he would rather be with someone who significantly outweighed him, even though he had never before indicated any interest in any woman who wasn't on the slim side? I really doubt it.
Originally Posted By: brandnewday
We can all make ourselves look better, which will in fact make us feel better, which will give you a feeling of self confidence.
Oh...I think I see where I went wrong now. I suffered from untreated depression for years and years, and even after I started treatment, my self-esteem was completely shot, so I wasn't always fun to be around. (Contrary to what those of us with depression wish, meds only take the edge off...they don't actually make one happy, although one does feel *better* with them if they are adjusted right.)
I do sometimes wonder if I still would have gotten dumped by my H if the illness I had suffered from was something that was more obviously physical, like cancer or some such.
Originally Posted By: Cinderellaman
BND,
I agree that we often let ourselves go, once a relationship becomes 'certain'.
But what I think triggers someone to have an affair, is being given ATTENTION and CREDIT for deeds done by another person. This person isn't always better dressed or better looking, but they have a way of giving compliments to the soul, therefore reaching that person's heart in exactly the right way, and off they go to have an affair !
So, not only should we look after ourselves, we must also not forget to compliment our spouse !
I think this has something to do with what happened in my sitch. But I *still* think I WAS complimenting my H and doing the ego-boosting things for him. I was always careful about that. I never called him names or tried to tell him how horrible he was. I'm certainly not claiming I was perfect in that regard; I'm sure I could have done better, and I may be forgetting things, but I don't think I was so bad as to justify his going off with someone else. On the other hand, I don't think *anything* justifies going off with someone else...so I suppose I might be considered biased.
Okay, don't mind me, I'm just having a little pity party at the moment. You are not required to join in, and are free to smack me if you think it appropriate.
You may now return to your regularly-scheduled thread.
Peace, Dawn
P.S. BND, I am very happy to hear that you had a great V-Day! Thank you for inspiring and helping the rest of us!
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
I am sorry that you are having such a terrible time with things right now.
I am not here to give you a 2X4 because by your own admission you are having a pity party of your own
I will tell you however that every single one of us here did have somethng to contribute to the demise of our Marriages.
None of us are perfect, and in hindsight there was a lot more we could have done to help keep our Marriages intact.
With that in mind, I will also tell you that IF your Spouse is indeed in MLC then there probably wasn't too much any of us could have done to avoid the MLC from happening.
Dawn, the reason we are told to work on ourselves and to make changes is because we have to make ourselves into better people, regardless of the outcome of the Marriage.
We are here to save ourselves, and if we can help to save the Marriage, then that is a bonus.
We can't make our Spouse come back, or change their minds. The only person we can control is ourselves.
Try to take the focus off of your Husband, and the OW, and keep the focus on yourself. Work on your own issues, do things that make you happy.
(((((hugs)))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Just wanted to pop in and say to Dawn of Hope, that ....it truly is a WONDERFUL journey to find yourself again !!! I feel that I have blossomed and I can actually say, I'm happy with the person I found 'lurking' inside of me !!! It has been a long and challenging road, and my marriage has not been restored, and may never be...but the restoration of myself has been PRICELESS !!!
Take care Dawn and remember to live NOW.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I am tired, it's been a long bloody week and I am so looking forward to resting this weekend. I am fighting a cold again, and am trying to take it easy.
I am again dealing with Medical issues for my D8, well she will be 9 this month. She is still not gaining weight, or growing. She has pnemonia right now, and has been ill for the past week.
We have an appointment with the endocrynologist this month, so maybe we will get some answers.
My S7 has also been ill. He is going for more testing as the Dr thinks he may have crohns disease. He has also been home from school this week.
On a positive note, my Husband is being very involved with the children's medical issues and has been going to the appointments with me.
When D8 had to get a feeding tube he refused to even talk about it, and made excuses as to why he couldn't come and visit her.
My job has turned into a wierd situation. My boss is having a MLC and it is ugly to watch.
She has lost 30 pounds, is wearing "teeny bopper" clothes, lives on her cell phone and the internet. Her whole attitude has changed and she has taken to yelling at her Husband in front of the staff. It is so uncomfortable.
She has been texting some of our male customers and flirts alot. She told me that she has been unhappily married for the past 5 years.
She was once the OW in her Marriage, and has lately been sharing this with us. She was proudly bragging about how she broke up her Husband's first Marriage, because she had her sights set on this Man and she just didn't care.
3 years ago, her best friend got killed in a house fire, and she has never been the same. I think that was what triggered it.
So, I have been listening to the MLC lingo and I absolutely hate it. Even her eyes seem empty and distant. She has begun to tell really crude raunchy jokes and discusses her sex life.
She leaves for hours at a time and gives no explanation for anything. She has become mean and nasty and I am avoiding her like the plague.
I liked my job for the most part, but I really have no patience for a female MLC'er, I think they are worse then the Men!!
So, that's my latest update!
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
BND - I know you've said they tested your D for celiac disease before, but I'm still really suspicious. The tests aren't perfect. Having another young child being considered for Crohn's disease (which can often be associated with gluten sensitivity as well)......the odds would seem to favor the simplest explanation, which is that they're both gluten sensitive or have celiac disease. (It runs in families).
Check out http://www.celiac.com. Be aware that 50% of celiac patients are also casein (dairy) sensitive when they're first diagnosed.
Bnd, sorry to hear your children are ill. I hope everything turns out ok.
Too bad about your boss. Sounds like MLC. It really is becoming epidemic, I think. Makes you wonder if it has to do with our society and how messed up it is.
BND, I think you're going to be one of my MLC forum role models. The advice you give to others is the voice of experience, and someone who's further down the path in terms of internalizing and practicing the skills needed to cope and thrive with these types of situations.
I'm posting in the Piecing forum, but my W has returned to her sleeping elseshere behavior. I receive wonderful support from folks in the Piecing forum, and was hopeful that my W and I could move forward. The reality is that we're not Piecing, and that I need to adjust and develop skills to cope and thrive with my situation, like others in this forum.
I look forward to joining the MLC community. Maybe I'll start a thread here, so that people will get to know me and my situation, and transition to this forum. The pace of this forum is different than Piecing.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
