Just keep swimming...PH #5

[pearlharbr]

Here's the problem: since I've been single I've been meeting a lot of men and getting a fair amount of attention. Now that's not to say that it's all sexual, just a lot of chatting and having fun hanging out. And I like it. A lot.

It makes me think that if and when I am ever ready for another relationship (and that's a big IF in my case) I could find someone who is a better fit. Someone who isn't a cheater, liar, coward and quitter. Or at least I would know that I wouldn't stand for it ever again and would be willing and able to just walk away.

I think I have crossed the line into WAS territory. The excitement of something new is far more attractive than going back to a cheater/liar/coward/quitter. The newness is fun and I've been sorely lacking in fun for a while (well, not lately!).

In my sitch, I know that it was a PA. So STD testing would be required. But I don't know if I can just move past it. It's not something I even think about now because I got into the whatever phase but if I had to think about it it might drive me crazy.

And I am by nature a vindictive person. If I have to go through knowing he was with someone else part of me thinks he should have to do the same. If he can't deal with it how does he expect me to do it?

I know how much you love your W. And if you have doubts about risking going through this pain again imagine what it's like for me when I'm not even sure I love him at all. Sigh.