Stella, I think you cannot go wrong if you tell the truth. You had to do what you felt at the moment and that is ok. So now its out there, you said it all, he heard it, now let it lie and step back.
H broke up with OW. She left the apt they were renting together. He came here. The H who left it here the other day and the man that came back are two different men. He said so himself. When he was leaving he loved me, he was looking forward to been with me, set things right once and for all. Today he's gloomy, aloof, very unsure of what he's done. He asked me for some space. No hugging, kissing, he avoids eye contact - again. It doesn't look good. He told me that he wanted to be happy with OW but couldn't because of me, that I was always there like a thorn in his heart. I asked him - on the spur of the moment - will you love me? He said, I don't know. I will try.
But he definitely doesn't seem to love me now. He is grieving the loss of OW so bad, it breaks my heart to see him in such condition.
The other thing that bothers me a lot is that he has to visit the apt they were renting together at least several times. He already said he's going to work there for a couple of weeks, until the lease is over. He will be surrounded by memories of their life together and at the moment he can only think of what he's lost, so that life will appear precious. I don't like it at all, but I didn't say a word. I figured, the OW will show up there for sure and she will know immediately that all is not lost and she will try to get him back. H still doesn't see her for what she is - shameless schemer - and now he's done all to ease his conscience, he might fall for it again.
I feel like walking on eggs again. Not knowing what to say and feeling very insecure. I know in my heart that if I try and demand anything from him, he will bolt again. Not good.
And there is nothing I can do, I guess.
I can only hope and pray.
And be.
That'd be all for now, I'll be back with more update.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Sweetie, you know that there is a mourning period that has to take place.
Do not consider prayer a last resort, consider it a line of first defense! What do you do now??? Here is my suggestion--
"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10
This battle is not yours, Stella, it is between your H, the devil and Our Heavenly Father. Know this, though, Satan has already been defeated at the Cross and this Victory is already the Lord's. Trust in Him, trust in Him.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Stella, I am so sorry this is happening. It's not the reunion you were so hoping for. The withdrawal from OW and grieving period will require a lot of patience from you. Please prepare yourself.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Well, great news that H ditched the OW. That is REALLY good.
You know how it works and you're doing it. Just keep being wonderful you, be patient, trust in his feelings for you (they're in there, just obscured by grief right now). I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you (and him not falling for OW again).
Hey!!! would you rather he didnt ditch her? Come on, embrace yourself, now is the time to feel confident and fun. Give him space and dont let him drag you down. Love him Stella, love him unconditionally. I know it is hard, but it will make a difference. xxx K
H was gone all day, he went to the apt they were renting with OW and stayed there. He spent 2 hours on the phone with his mom - and guess what! my MIL doesn't want him to save his M! she never wanted me in the family, but I thought 24 years would make a difference... Apparently not. Then OW called and spoke with him for 30 min. Then he called me. And he said he's through with OW, it's over and done with . He also said that it felt like he was walking with a wooden stake driven through his heart for two years, and now it's gone!! And that he's nearly sure :o. He didn't say sure of what and I didn't ask. Didn't like the word "nearly" though. In the evening he came home and brought two dogs - our old doggy, the one I missed so much, and a brand new pup! He's 5 months old, it's OW's dog's puppy and I hate the fact that he's going to be a constant reminder of OW, but he's very cute and he kissed me about one million times and of course my heart was melted.
H is very quiet and shy and it's awkward to be around him, but he's much better than the day before. He seems to be ok with us sleeping together, and I'm hanging off the edge of the bed! I think I need time and space as well. OW TMed 5 times or so and he didn't seem happy about it but he answered nevertheless. I didn't say a word. She still has to pick up most of her stuff and I don't want to start asking questions right away. H went to "their" apt again, to walk with another dog (OW's dog, she didn't take her yet) and then he wanted to go see MIL. I'm very uncomfortable with that but I didn't make a comment and didn't show that I'm displeased.. After all I cannot control him, can I?
All and all, things are not bad. I worry a lot and I don't trust H, I'm still very alert to what he's doing and where he's going, but I try not to let it show. I go about minding my business the way I normally do. No, it is not the reunion I dreamt of, but somehow it feels more REAL. We shall see.
And - yes!!! I'm happy he ditched the SPIDER !!!
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
He also said that it felt like he was walking with a wooden stake driven through his heart for two years, and now it's gone!!
This is very telling. And eventhough it wasn't the reunion you dreamed about, OW is gone and H is living with YOU. This is the chance every LBS hopes for. You will need a lot of patience with H and dealing with your own feelings that may surface. Keep praying for guidance.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
. He also said that it felt like he was walking with a wooden stake driven through his heart for two years, and now it's gone!! And that he's nearly sure :o. He didn't say sure of what and I didn't ask. Didn't like the word "nearly" though. In the evening he came home and brought two dogs - our old doggy, the one I missed so much, and a brand new pup! He's 5 months old, it's OW's dog's puppy and I hate the fact that he's going to be a constant reminder of OW, but he's very cute and he kissed me about one million times and of course my heart was melted.