Wondering how to handle things

[kissak]

Actually Breton...Im not gonna do anything. He hinted around all day that he wanted to talk about things, tonight at tkd, I said nothing. Just acted 'as if'. So nothing really happened.

BND....I dont think he is my whole life and I know I CAN live without him. That is not what Im afraid of. That I am absolutely sure of. I dont NEED him at all. I have been doing fine on my own for over 2 years now.

But, you are right when you say that if I turn him down Im afraid of losing him. Afraid of not knowing. Afraid of losing the 15 years together. That is what I am fighting against in my head right now. I know he is afraid of losing me. ANd I know Im in control....that is true.

I am prepared for him to come home. I am ready to do the work...my concern is that he isnt ready. He has come home before and I know how much work it is. He however is the one that wants instant results. I know that it takes alot of work and patience....I am ready....I dont know that he is.

Im not trying to stay in the same cycle, the only reason this last time I was willing to give him another chance was because it had been 8 months and the OW was finally out of the picture and remarried. I thought for once he could focus on "us".

I guess I am just struggling with havin the courage to turn him down until he is ready. Which I think I am coming to terms with....Now if I can just go through with it.