I’m sorry I’ve not posted back before now but my internets been out of action for a while and only just got back up and running!
Jack_Three_Beans you ask what it is my wife wants me to change. She says that nothing can change as I am who I am and that she can’t that – I’ve explained to her time and time again that she can’t change me but I can but she’s just unwilling to listen. The main reasons behind her decision have only really come out in the last week or so and she says that she feels as though I have rejected her – she says that I have always shown more affection to our daughter than I have to her and that I have pushed her out and stolen her daughter from her.
I will admit that my W and I have never had the most touch feely kind of relationship but she can’t seem to remember the times when we used to cuddle up together and watch a movie or sit down together and play a game or just chat. In my defence I will say that I have always told my W that I love her and have shown my affection in other ways by surprising her with gifts and pretty much treating her to whatever she wanted. All she had to do was ask and I would go without things myself just so that I could get her what she wanted. I have always helped out around the house pretty much doing anything and everything to give her a break and allow her to spend her time as she wants but this has been thrown back in my face now by her saying that me doing stuff just makes her feel inadequate!
With regards to her other point about pushing her out and stealing her daughter from her I will say that me and my daughter do have a very strong bond and spend a lot of time together playing games and just generally having fun with one another, however, we have always tried to include my W in what we do and have always asked her to join us in whatever we are doing but my W has always said no she was too busy and didn’t have time or just didn’t fancy it. Me and my daughter would carry on but would always ask my W the next time around and would just receive a similar response. I have told my W that we never pushed her out and that it was always her decision to not join in but again she just can’t see it.
On the violence front not sure what I can say really, yeah sometimes its been whilst we’ve been discussing what’s happening with her saying the marriage is over and me trying to save it, but at other times its as if she’s hit me just for the hell of it when I’m just trying to get on with things and act as normal as I can which she doesn’t like. I have never raised a finger to her in the past and I’m not gonna start now, not even in self defence.
I can see what she’s saying and yeah I’ll admit that I could have shown more affection by way of hugs and cuddles and stuff but I’ve gone out of my way and bent over backwards to show my love for her in other ways.
Right the last 2 weeks…
Bit of a mixed bag really, we’ve had what I’ve taken as really good days when we’ve got on with no relationship talk at all and we’ve had some really crap days when all hell breaks loose.
After my last post around two weeks ago we had about 5 or 6 good days on the trot where things just seemed to get better day by day, then for whatever reason my W “changes”, knows what buttons to press, and sets me off on one. I’m learning not to react but she just goes on and on and on and eventually she’ll say something which just provokes a reaction.
A couple of the arguments over recent days have been over 2 really trivial things in my book but she’s just lost it; the first was because I’d started making my daughters sandwiches for school AFTER my W had moaned at me a few days earlier saying that I didn’t help her out in the mornings before work and school; the second was because I had ironed a blouse for my daughter to wear to school the following day – my wife was out one night and I realised that our daughter didn’t have a clean blouse to wear so decided to wash and iron one. Both of these things were done to help my W out and save her an extra job on a morning but both were thrown back in my face saying that I made her feel inadequate and was trying to prove that I didn’t need her!
Over the last 2 weeks she’s also told me on 2 separate occasions that she would be prepared to give it a go and see what we can do only for her to change her mind a day and even hours later! Last Tuesday night she told me that we would try to work things out but when she woke up Wednesday she had changed her mind. This morning before work she again said that she was prepared to give it real effort for a month and see what happened but when she got home tonight she had changed her mind again and started on me – we hadn’t even spoke in between as we were both at work so it’s not as if it’s something I’d done!
It’s getting late now anyway so better get to bed. She’s off out with friends tomorrow so once I’ve got our daughter to bed I’ll probably be on again with another rant!
