Newly Seperated - What To Do?

[Uncool Cat]

My wife and I separated about a month ago. She said she didn't love me anymore. I guess she's a WAW - ironically I'm the one who had to move out. I'm on red alert trying to do everything I can to save the marriage. I made some initial mistakes, but two weeks ago I signed up for coaching and started listening to Michele's CDs and reading the books.

I haven't put any pressure on my wife (at least I hope not). I keep our boys (8 and 5) for her once a week when she goes to night school. When I do, I do the best job I can with the boys. Then once they are in bed, I work like a madman around the house. Doing as many things as possible: dishes, clothes, etc. When she comes home. I do my very best to act upbeat, ask her how school went, and then I say goodbye and leave.

She did thank me the last time I did this. I chaulked that up as a positive.

What frustrates me is that she doesn't really talk to me about anything. We discuss when I will pick up the boys, how long I will keep them etc. She's cordial, but that's it. She's not nice or mean, or anything. It's like she's become this robot. I have been erased.

I don't know how to do a 180 here. I know not to pressure her. I know not to say I love you. I try to act happy. I'm just frustrated. Many (I know not all) of the techniques Michele suggests do involve having a conversation. We have almost no coversation about anything at all.

I just don't know what to do.

I originally posted the above in another forum. I thought since I am a newcomer, I should probably post here instead. Here are some more facts you should know.

I implied above that I only see my boys once a week. That's not the case. I also see them on weekends. I just don't get to do it at my house, and I have even more limited interaction with my W.

Also, some people may wonder why I'm trying to do so much for her around the house when I'm there. This is what my DB coach told me to do.

I just really don't know how to do a 180 in this situation. I also don't know how to set the small goals Michele talks about. She says that the goals should be accomplished in 1 - 2 weeks. I don't know what I could do in that period of time that would get any reaction out of my spouse. At the rate I'm going, I speak to her 15 minutes a week - mostly about when I will pick up or drop off the boys.

I considered telling her that I had accepted the fact that we would never be together again and that she would never love me, and that I was trying to move on. I thought this might be a 180 type event. But I haven't done it.

Any advice on a 180 or the very first goals to set would be appreciated. Thanks for the help.