Kalni - its not for anyone to tell you what to do...
I'm breaking a personal dictum here...
...it looks to me - as an outside observer that your H is trying ... trying to "bend" and not be confrontational - looks as if he's saying things which suggest he's in the "midst" of things...
Everyone here knows how frustrated and angry you are...but if I read the groundswell right - its suggesting that you slow down and don't rush to an outcome too quickly...
OK - I'm going to be devil's advocate - what will happen if you do divorce?
What happens then? Your H will still want to see his/your kids...what will be different for you?
To what extent will you be released? To be able to move on? To what extent will this "work"
You seem to want to be "free" from this situation...yet you have stuck with this for a long time...
Everyone here can understand that conflict...but at the same time - you seem to have a H who is trying... I have never offered this before but now it seems to be getting towards a D-Day point... Your H sounds like a A-Male/high achieving/A type personality - who got a lost - desperately trying to figure out what his purpose is, his role is, his "edge" - his being...In my case - i was completely lost! And was for 2/3 years!
To be honest Kalni - I empathise / sympathise with him...not in a "all men together" sort of way - but I do think I understand his "off-standish" and distant attitude...
Right at the moment I get a sense of his wanting to "please" you and not wanting to cause any more upset - yet this is contrary to your "want" - your need for a demonstration and declaration of love and commitment.
Likely (although I have no idea of his "issues")he will be able to work things out...
Its easy to point to answers... but before you pull the plug:-
Does he love you? Does he love the kids you have together? Do you love him?
Kalni - not sure how old your H is - but being a 30 / 40 year old man in today's world is a bloody challenge!!!
Crudely - we don't know whether to be Alpha men and sort things out in all arenas... or be sensitive and listen...(Ha!) and take on some / all responsibility for children... some of us are caught in the middle.. or with relationships where the responsibilities/balance weren't sorted out...and yes - the balance of responsibility of that does lie with the man to an extent...
So...please forgive me - at that end of free thought...
Kalni..Don't pull the plug on something that was and could again be wonderful - too quickly...
