Hi naej, I just talked to H again. Asked him if he talked to the lawyer. He said no, she was busy, then he was busy etc etc
I asked him if he has decided what HE wants. He said he is willing to do that to ACCOMMODATE me and my work and my life since he can tell I want that. I told him I dont accept the word accommodate because he isnt doing me a favor taking his kids. He said he is not going to think of how to change his whole life if it is not legal. I suggested we do it anyway through the communication clause (when the gone parent sees the kids). I said if that cant work, I am open to give him 100% custody and leave communication open for me to see them everyday. He said he could talk about that also but he wants first to consult a C to verify it is better for the kids... He said something about how my decision shouldnt affect everybody's lives. I answered this time that that is something he should have figured out 16 months ago. He said we should not talk about the past. I told him I can talk about the past, I have nothing to be guilty for. He said HE FEELS THE SAME WAY TOO.
Then I told him I am VERY mad at him and he said he can hear it but doesn't know why. I didnt want to get into the discussion at that point because the kids were around and we are going to have it on sat anyway.
It will get ugly and it will because of me. Because I am furious. I cant control my thoughts or words. I NEED to calm down before I do anything I regret.
Hey k, You are at least 36 hrs. from the exit interview. I hope you are calmer by then. I thought the reason for the exit interview is to end all this civily?
I believe I mentionned a few days ago that I am of the opinion that your H (and others who have attempted piecing like my ex) once they realize that they are not sure they want to go on, make it unbearable for us LBSs. They do this in order to loose the guilt. They do not want to have the impression that they quit twice. Voila, "HE FEELS THE SAME WAY TOO" of course he does. Funny how they have such a selective memory.
I don't want to be putting words in your mouth or thoughts in your head, but it seems to me that this is why you want a divorce. He changed your lives completely, abdicating his responsibility as husband, provider, and father. And he is happy with the way things are. He will not consider changing his life from the way it is now. What is good for him is not good for you. And when you try to make things better for you, he rejects it.
I don't know anything about the laws in Greece, but I hope that they are favorable to divorced women. Your kids need you as the primary caregiver. Your H has nothing to give (at least not in terms of time or emotion). What would he do if he had custody and the kids were sick for a week? He is not flexible enough to care for children. They need you to be primary custodian with him providing financial support.
((((((Kalni)))))) I think Sara has it right. He doesn't want to change things, and any suggestion you make is going to be rejected. If he can throw in the excuse that he doesn't want to do anything "illegal" to avoid having to take responsibility it will make him that much happier.
I think the thing you will probably end up doing is pushing for what you want through your lawyer. That is going to work a lot better than trying to talk to your H, I think.
Sorry I've been MIA lately. I had to step away but I have been thinking of you a lot and praying for you.
I'm sorry to say it, but you're going to need to leave all of this to the lawyers to fight about for you - that's what you're paying them for, right? The more you lay your needs on the table, the more he backs away under the guise of doing what you want. Don't talk directly to him about what you want anymore. Let your lawyer approach his with it. It will keep you sane, trust me. I had to stop discussing any of this with Gabe in order to keep from screaming at him about his walking away from all of his responsibilities and leaving me to hang in the wind with them. Step away K!!!!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I dont know...its never so black and white, just musing here. Especially when you're flawed and scared of rejection (H). I think its complex. Plus sometimes, doing exeternal things (like D, or finding someone new) wont necessarily salve your hurt/upset/frustration. It does work sometimes, as a coping mechanism, but not always..our ex's are testamant to that.. are they happy? S, D, ow.. didnt work for them!
Hey M.. here are our stars...oh dear god, when will it ever end, haha! (no, not funny!)
PISCES - 9-16 March
As relationships deepen, they are not romantic. When dealing with another person, the garbage you end up having to put up with was really always visible right from the beginning, but of course nobody wants to see it. Whether you-know-who is sick, crazy or just not there is really not the point. You need strategy, tactics, patience and guts to know when to hang in there and when to get the hell out.
..they all say the same all the time lately.. hang in there or get out..OK, WHICH ONE? GODDAMIT!
