She is not better or worse than you, she was not chosen because she was the antithesis of you, she was chosen for her ability to whore herself, it has nothing to do with quality, he didnt' choose her because she is a wonderful person (wonderful people dont' have a "relationship" touted online and be married!)
Oh, this one is so hard to remember because somehow she is wonderful to him and he chose her over me and he is happier now. I know he is not the man I knew and its hard to remind myself of that one too. I am trying to distract myself and work on myself. Sometimes things come up unexpectedly that I wasn't prepared for how they would make me feel. This has been one of those challenging moments.
I have been faced with a lot that goes with the ow being more integrated in his life...like his family being friendly with her and not me. I think this issue is an especially hard one for me. When we met, he was not close with his family. I really pushed him to make amends (especially with his brother) and work on those relationships. I feel that I am partially responsible for him becoming closer to them. I never got the the chance to become close his parents while we were together because he was so distant from them, it seems ow now has that chance to enjoy his family the way I hoped it would be for me one day. Like so many of the other feelings that came up when xh first left, this was one of those moments when I felt cheated. One of those "its not fair" moments.
Aside from that, I have been in contact with a lot of our mutual friends and none of them treat me the same. There are the friends I have heard from who express how wrong they feel it is and there are the friends who say the same thing, but are still buddy-buddy with xh and ow. In either case, they all treat me differently and I feel like I have lost a lot of friends.
Overall, I feel as though I am going through the mourning process all over again. Mourning the loss of xh, mourning the loss of his family, mourning the loss of our friends and mourning the loss of the life we lived together.
I know this means I have to refocus on myself again. I know this will be temporary. I think it hit me hard because I truly felt that he was removed from my life and I was over it...then this...I am disappointed in myself in a way. I really didn't think anything he did or said could affect me anymore...and it just did. I let him get to me...again.
