Just wanted to give an update and to get opinions. So I went dark and didn't speak to H for 4 days. He called me yesterday the 4th and I just didn't answer. He then left a message relating to our business and I got it but didn't call back. Anyway, came into work and saw that H had called twice for the morning. So I had planned on not calling him and then I gave him and called him back. As usual, when I go dark H tries to reconnect and turn the lights back on. He first asked how I'm doing and it seems like I don't want to talk to him anymore. I said chilling and he said, I know that- incenuating that I'm seeing someone else. Then I said see that why I don't want to be accused of crap. Anyway, I was about to cut the conversation and then he brought up doing out tax return. We had originally planned on H filing for the investment property and me filing for the house and he would give me half of the money to pay bills. But H has not kept his financial obligation to me at all in the 5 mths of S, and I have had to run after him for $$. I don't believe that he will give me the $ from his tax and then I feel like since he could run off and leave me with a mortgage and all these expenses to pay and just walk out of the marriage then he shouldn't have the privilede of the M. So I was nervous to tell him this but I calmly told him that I was thinking of filing for the property as well b/c I don't trust that he will give me the $ and that I have to do things on the house and I know that he won't want to contribute to and I wouldn't feel comfortable asking him for $ for to work on the house since he's not in the house. I told him that as always I will use the $$ to pay the bills off. He said he wasn't upset and that I could have everything all the properties. But I know he was upset. He then called our realtor to remove himself off/refinance the properties and then called me asking to make an appoitment with the realtor for us. The realtor is our friend and he knows too well about our sitch. Anyway I am not calling the realtor, H is just acting out like a little bratty kid. I feel that I no longer want to have H run the show with his bratty ways. Also, if H is in such a fog that he has dropped all his responsibilities then I need to be the responsible one here. I know if he gets all that $ from the tax he will blow it on OW and her children too.
So I'm standing up for myself! What do you think? Was this being too controlling? That is one of H's complaints about me.
You're looking out for your interests, no more, no less. Besides, I'm betting that his "you're too controlling" complaints only started AFTER he began his affair? Am I right?
Yeap, Pup, right after the A. It became I'm too controlling... I don't appreciate him ... I think everything is mine... he needs to get his life together. And I am certain in our relationship I have been a big cheerleader for H. Now that I've been detaching he has been craving my compliments too.
Yeap, Pup, right after the A. It became I'm too controlling... I don't appreciate him ... I think everything is mine... he needs to get his life together. And I am certain in our relationship I have been a big cheerleader for H. Now that I've been detaching he has been craving my compliments too.
Um-hmmm. What a shocker. NOT!!!
As I've said before, "You're too controlling" almost always just means "You won't give me space in which to conduct my affair! Wahhhhh!!!!"
Hey on the houses...Does the investment prop cash flow + or - on the tax returns in the past? If it's positive it's taxable income (bad), whereas the primary residence is a dollar for dollar writedown of your taxable income (good). Let him take the investment prop and you take the primary if you want to "compromise"...
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
The investment prop has - cash flow. And I actually don't want to compromise on this one. H has given me $$ twice in 5 months for bills that he left. Usually our tax return $ goes to something productive. In H fog, he will waste the $ and I know it. I have compromised enough on so much. Not trying to be mean but I don't like running after H on $. While in our R we was great with $$ matters and now I would be like the OW running after him. I don't want to compromise myself to that.
I think I'm with ya.. So cash flow in real dollars monthly and are you able to come up with enough expenses to show it as a negative income (good) on the tax return (schedule E)?
I hear you if it's giving you cash every month! Don't let him off the hook on the mortgage by refinancing either, it's leverage for later. But if he will quit-claim off the (title)property that would get rid of his interest and put you in control. Rates on investment props aren't a great deal right now anyway..
Good for you on all of the other things as well. I am having to get real with my W right now over money, kids, etc...
Stay the course!
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
