Stellitsa mou, sorry about your mom. I know how it feel to be alone when something like that happens... Does your mom live close to you?
I believe WAS, need time when something like that happens to get over their guilt first before they can reach out to help. And since your mom's condition is diagnosed but from what you say NOT yet really bad, he may think he has time to help out and he intends to do it. Love always K
((((nlt, Beginners, Kalni)))), hi and thanks for checking on me.
I'm fighting off the worst 'flu I've had in years. For two days I was delirious with high fever, now I'm just feeling sick in my stomack and struggling with a headache.
I have news, however.
On 26th I've returned from my mom's place (she lives quite far away, Kalni, about an hour by train) and felt horrible. It turned out I had high fever, so I climbed into bed. That's when H has called to tell me about money he's transfered to our D18. When I told him I'm sick he offered to come over and bring me some medicine and fruit. I said, no, there is no need. He insisted and I said ok, come over, then. Then, a friend of mine has called. She offered to bring me vitamins and when I mentioned that H is coming over, she said great, I'll call him and ask him to stop by my place first and take it for you (she's my neighbour). Two hours later, H calls and tells me he's still at the friends' house and will come over soon. Three hours later he finally appeared. I have to remind you that I was going dark again and H was very aloof for a while. Now he entered, sat on my bed next to me, kissed me on the fourhead and started stroking my hands. Then he's done something REALLY rare: he started a R talk! He said that he's figured he wants me and only me and he knows what's to be done and he's going to do it. Thanks to high fever I've had the best reaction: none. I only asked if he's sure this time. He said he never changed his mind (???) and that he always told me truthfully how things are between us. I had to remind myself that for those in LALAland time goes differently and their memory is impaired by MLC. Anyway, once he was gone, the friend has called about her conversation with H. It turned out he came over for vitamins and stayed for a glass of wine, which is strange, as he was avoiding her, since she said some very unpleasant things about OW to H. She also sent him an e-mail "don't you f!!king lose Stella" half a year ago. She was shocked that he stayed and initiated the convo about OW. He said, I cannot live without Stella. I love only her. The next line was a little bit disappointing though: I don't know what to do .
That's not all.
THe next day another friend (MF) has called. It turned out, H came over to see him after he left me and they ended up having drinks in the city. That's another very close friend with whom H has pretty much lost contact. And - F's wife does not allow H to visit them because of OW :D! So, he tells me the same story, how H has told him that he's unhappy, in hell, hates himself, wants his M back. By the end of the evening H was so drunk, our F had to take him home. He says, H kept muttering that it's great, OW hates it when he drinks and now that he started to drink heavily, she will go away and leave him. So childish. NEVER this woman will go away on her own accord. If he wants to get rid of her, he has to kick her out. And he's still trying to avoid doing it. He called me the next day. Sure enough, she hated it when he came drunk and they had a row. I don't remember the whole convo, but I remember telling him that he needs to tell her the truth, whatever the truth may be.
Today he came over to take some stuff for my mom and take it over to her for me, since I'm still sick. It was his idea, I didn't ask him. He looked terribly thin, unkempt, with dark circles under his eyes. Painful sight, really. Twice he started saying something and then stopped after "I'm so sorry".
I have been there before, and more than once, and I try hard not to let my expectations go up too much, but I think something is really happening now. It seems like his unhappiness has finally reached its peak. He's reconnecting with old friends, he's initiating R talk, he definitely looks like he's about to hit the bottom.
When I asked him: do you want me to help you? he said, yes. But then I asked :How? And he wouldn't give an answer.
I wonder, is there anything I can do to help him?
I'm worried about him. His health is on stake. What he's doing to himself is terrifying to watch.
ok, dear friends, I need to return to bed now, I'm still dizzy.
Thanks for listening.
((((Hugs)))) for all.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Just hugs, hugs is all I got for you. Well, and some virtual homemade chicken soup. Feel better my friend. At least your temp is helping you maintain your detachment.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Great news about H but remember to keep your expectations low. He obviously wants to be with you but is unable to break things off with OW. He's been waffling for such a long time. Remain friendly but detached until things have ended with OW once and for all.
Take care of yourself dear Stella!!!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I've had a MAJOR R talk with H, he cried, I cried (a little bit), we spoke about old times. H said, I only now start to realize how very happy we were.
I have no idea whether I've done right thing, but I was very honest and open with H. I've told him that I love him and want him back and I don't think the life he's having now makes him happy or can EVER make him happy, that I will survive no matter what, but I prefer to have him in my life. That I have no intention to rebuilt the life we've had, but I'm sure we can start a new M. That I can see all I've done wrong and I'm not happy about it but there is nothing I can do to change the past, instead I've changed myself and if he wants that new me, I'm still here. That all he has to do to end this agony is to tell her that he loves me and leave, or tell me that he loves her and leave, or tell both of us that he wants to be alone, and leave. He said, I've helped him very much by saying it, that it won't be long now, that he cannot and will not go on living like that. And he said, he loved me and always will.
In short, it was a big "NO-NO" of a convo. Strangely enough, I don't feel bad about it.
AS a matter of fact, I just broke another DB rule and called H on his cell. I've told him that I called because I wanted to hear his voice. Which is true. And he said "I thank you for that". He also said that I've done something today and now it's going to be all right and he feels that it's over now. That it was a cruel way to get our love back, but it did worth it. He was crying. He said ILY. I said ILY too.
I have no idea what's going to happen now.
But I have no regrets, I went with the flow, and that's where it has taken me.
Sorry if I don't make sense, I'm very emotional right now.
Wish me luck, friends.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
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