Retrouvaille saved me - AN #3

[AnotherNightmare]

Thank you, Sara and breakaway, for the quick responses. I guess I wanted to make sure I am not dealing with another component. In the end, it probably would not really matter or change what I need to do for myself.

There was something else we talked about last night when I brought up my martyr behavior. She thought a martyr was a victim as opposed to someone who sacrifices themselves for a higher purpose (or in the case of a R: blames his/her S if there is no return for the sacrifice). After we discussed for a few minutes, I realized where her confusion was coming from. In German, the words victim and sacrifice are the same.

I believe at this point that she likes to think of herself as the victim. I am not debating whether or not she was the victim of my abusive behavior, but I kind of sense she enjoys the convenience of being the victim. I like what you, breakaway, said in the other thread about being the target rather than the victim. The unfortunate thing is I cannot help her with that. The only thing I can do to be as compassionate as possible to support her healing process.