Just my opinion, but I don't think it sounds like MLC..it sounds like someone who truly feels she has lost her true Self in being who she's "supposed" to be, to please her family of origin, and her family now.
As you have been able to admit that you did engage in emotional abuse over the marriage (with your own FOO issues)...she has issues that influenced her to accept that, and if it was a walking on eggshells relationship, then she wasn't EVER being herself. I realized this year...that H doesn't even have to be here for me to second guess myself...like if it's okay to take a nap or not when I'm really tired. I realized that "normal" people probably make that decision on how tired they are, not if it's "okay."
It's also my personal opinion that a lot of people who are accused of MLC...are people who finally hit the wall after spending their lives ignoring themselves and pleasing others. One day..you can't do it anymore. Then everyone thinks you're "crazy" and wants you to go back to the person they "know."
I was so committed to the idea of the noble understanding sacrificial wife...that would never do anything for her self, that one day, the right person paid the right kind of attention to me and I instead jumped to the total other end of the spectrum and had an affair! Then I had to say, who the hell AM I?
I too am struggling over guilt about whether or not to stay in my marriage...the TRUTH for me is that if I had "permission" from God, my family, my kids, whatever, I would go. Through Al Anon I am learning to make my own decisions. Then even if I stay, it will be because I actually DECIDED to, instead of staying out of guilt or responsibility. Which is not to say we don't have responsibilities and marriage isn't work...but when there is the history you guys have...I don't think this sounds like someone who just wishes they could be young again, oh, don't we all?
I don't want to be young again...but I'd sure like to be the WAY I once was...a person with dreams and ideas that she wasn't afraid to act on, a person who made her own destiny. Not a person who wonders if it's okay to take a nap.
