W came in at 7am to tell me OW (EA) had a flat tire and could I watch the kids while she went and fixed it. I didn’t react well and turned around and said fine. She said if it was anyone else you wouldn’t mind watching the kids and I said I don’t mind watching the kids I never mind watching the kids.
While she was gone I calmed down and decided to act “As If” she had just gone to help one of the neighbors and just treat her that way when she got home. When she came home I just went about my business and was balancing the checkbook. We discussed a few things related to bills.
Then she asked me if I was always going to blame OW. I said you obviously don’t understand how I feel about it or you wouldn’t ask me that question. Then she asked what I meant and I said that as far as I’m concerned you had an affair with her and if you were in my position and I had an affair you would feel the exact same way. I do not want to hear about her. She is not a part of my life and if I never see or hear her name again I would be happy. It is the one thing I have asked of you – to not mention her name to me. Say you have to run and errand an can you watch the kids. Say I’m going out with some friends. But don’t talk about her or mention her name to me. I will never be OK with your friendship and I will never want to be her friend. Google Emotional Affair and then tell me you didn’t have one and I walked away
Then she followed me and said I don’t want you to blame OW. I said I don’t blame her. I don’t like her but I don’t blame her. She didn’t have an emotional affair with you, you had one with her and you are still having one. She asked what do I mean and in a very sarcastic voice I said like “Oh she makes me feel so good when I am around her. She makes me feel good about myself and Oh she accepts me 100% for who I am”. Then I said “can you look me in the eye and say you didn’t have an emotional affair”. And of course she said she can and she didn’t have an affair. Then she that saying she didn’t want me to hate OW and I said why do you care. She said because every time I go out or text you think it is OW. And I say why do you care what I think, that is my problem. Because you turn into a bitch because of it. When you found out it was a different friend I was txting you acted totally different. I said “ big part of the reason I get so pissed about your txting is because you txt way to much. In the movies, while we are eating dinner w/ the kids, even while you are driving with all of us in the car. You are a bad example for the kids. If they had had a phone and txt’ed like you to we would never allow it.
Then I said this conversation is not productive and we should stop talking. She said fine and stalked off.
Then I really backslid and asked her to talk again (big no no when I am emotional already) and said if she wanted to move out she shouldn’t worry about the finances. She said but you can’t afford for me to move out. I said the only reason I am not selling the house already is because I don’t want the kids to have to move but they are going to have to move sometime why not now. I can’t remember everything said after that point but the gist was that she now thinks I want her to move out and said to put the house on the market. I walked away. She came into my room and said if you want me to move out I will. I back stepped a little and said she should move out if SHE wanted to. Then she left to take the kids to school. I know I am forgetting some of it but basically I made a big mistake in this conversation this morning.
I pushed her towards the OW I definitely fueled her anger – which seemed to be getting much better the last week I made her think I want her to move out and probably made her want to move out. I criticized her
A lot of damage done this morning.
I hate that I can't keep my cool when it comes to the OW. It is such a huge button for me. I wish she would just stop mentioning her name.
Me-38 W-44 D8 & D6 together '95, Wed '97, Bomb 11/18/08 Still in same house
