Did somebody try to confront other man? We have been separated since 10/2006. I can not even say haw much I love my wife and my daughter, and all this time I was revolving around them. Last big thing that I did is that I bought a house (hoping very much that my wife will live with me there), and before the closing on this house I moved, temporarily, in my wife's apartment. She never promised me to reconcile, but I always acted as we are going to be together no matter what. I was not too annoying, but apparently I was not giving her enough personal space, either. The thing is that smb calls her every night on her cell phone, and she goes to most remote walk-in closet in her bedroom and talks there a lot, an hour each day. Obviously I was not asking her anything, trying to be the nice guy, who she is comfortable with. Today at a lunch time I saw her in the closet again, she was talking by phone, and then she told me that she is going shopping and will be back no earlier than in three hours. My story is posted at: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...&gonew=1#UNREAD
So now I have a choice (i) continue do what I was doing for past two years and be a nice guy and pray that this apparent date with OM will not end at his house (ii) Check her received calls, track a person who calls her and confront him
Please advice
Art
Me- 37 Wife 35 Daughter 4 Married 15 years, separated 2y
confrontation is too "high school." If you want your wife back; I don't believe confronting the OM is the way. If he's married, you can expose him; but that's a whole other topic to discuss.
Your W will most likely be further pushed away by your confrontation and likely cause her to run faster toward him; as he is the NICE guy at the moment. He says the right things, does the right things, and you're controlling. A confrontation is just verification in her mind of how controlling you are and why she needs to leave you.
DO NOT CONFRONT OM. Set your boundaries within your marriage, not with the OM.
Second, if you are here to get help then seriously take the advice of people who are advising you here.
I get the whole physical confrontation urge (I had those feelings too), but in the end it won't do any good and there are 100 more to take their place even on the off chance you could break up the A that way. Puppy is right it will only push her to him and you don't wan't that right?
The problem is not with the OM. It's with your W. No matter how hard you might try you can't control her. She is going to do what she will do. Puppy has made a great point to me in the past: A wayward Spouse is a wayward Spouse. Break up one A and another one will probably start.
She has to see YOU differently. That won't happen until YOU do something different. What IS working? From your posts I don't see a whole that is right now.
You need to detach from her. As hard as that may seem if you don't start doing it she will most likely continue on the path she's on. In fact she may never turn away from it and you have to accept that.
Please listen to the folks here if you are serious about doing everything possible to get your wife back. They will help you. If you just want to do what you want to do then this site won't help you much.
Don't confront this guy. He's not the problem. You will be treating the symptoms not the disease.
I wish you well.
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
So now I have a choice (i) continue do what I was doing for past two years and be a nice guy and pray that this apparent date with OM will not end at his house (ii) Check her received calls, track a person who calls her and confront him
(iii) Calmly let your wife know that what she is doing is NOT okay with you, but that she's an adult and you can't control her, you can only control yourself, and so you're "moving on" and working on YOU.
Guys, marriedCrazy, Vdad Thank you. I do think now that detachment is the only way out. These two and half years I was spending all my time and all my money on my family. My money will continue be at their use but I should step back and let her, as painful it is, to compare me with OM. Do you think it is a nice idea to talk to her about this tomorrow? Tell her that I love her and will love always, but I will not cross the doorstep of her apartment as soon as I move out. I will tell her that she has all the freedom and that her husband is patiently waiting. And only ask her not to see OM. Or this last thing I should leave out?
Puppy thanks, I was born and raised in a rough neighborhood, far away from here, so it is not surprising that my first the desire is to kick the ass of this guy. I will not do this
Please listen to everyone and DO NOT confront him. It will escalate. Before I found DB, I did confront OW. And you know what, I looked stupid and weak and my H took her side. He said I was picking on her. Your wife will take his side and it will only make you feel even worse. You may think that she will back you up and it make you feel better, but trust me -- you will end up looking like the trouble maker (at least to her and OM who don't want to face the fact that what they are doing is wrong). I so wish that I didn't confront OW when I did. Now I know better. Confrontation may give you an immediate satifaction but it will not last. Please do whatever you can to have self control.
A quote for you: It is not the situation... it's your reaction to the situation.
Your planned talk is way too wishy washy...Puppy, give him the words.