stella: dancing in limbo

[stella_k]

(((SMW))), (((Addie))),

thank you, friends.

I've had a MAJOR R talk with H, he cried, I cried (a little bit),
we spoke about old times. H said, I only now start to realize how very happy we were.

I have no idea whether I've done right thing, but I was very honest and open with H. I've told him that I love him and want him back and I don't think the life he's having now makes him happy or can EVER make him happy, that I will survive no matter what, but I prefer to have him in my life. That I have no intention to rebuilt the life we've had, but I'm sure we can start a new M. That I can see all I've done wrong and I'm not happy about it but there is nothing I can do to change the past, instead I've changed myself and if he wants that new me, I'm still here. That all he has to do to end this agony is to tell her that he loves me and leave, or tell me that he loves her and leave, or tell both of us that he wants to be alone, and leave.
He said, I've helped him very much by saying it, that it won't be long now, that he cannot and will not go on living like that. And he said, he loved me and always will.

In short, it was a big "NO-NO" of a convo.
Strangely enough, I don't feel bad about it.

AS a matter of fact, I just broke another DB rule and called H on his cell. I've told him that I called because I wanted to hear his voice. Which is true. And he said "I thank you for that". He also said that I've done something today and now it's going to be all right and he feels that it's over now. That it was a cruel way to get our love back, but it did worth it.
He was crying. He said ILY. I said ILY too.

I have no idea what's going to happen now.

But I have no regrets, I went with the flow, and that's where it has taken me.

Sorry if I don't make sense, I'm very emotional right now.

Wish me luck, friends.