Innocent

[Bagheera]

Take heart, Cinco;

From my own personal experience, this type of argument / day is also part of the SSM recovery process. Over the past year or so, my wife and I have had variations on this exact same encounter, on more than one occasion, unfortunately, particularly the

W: "I just don't think I will ever be able to give you what you are wanting."

remark.

I'll add something to what DQ said:

"This is your answer, dear. This is her highest level of desire she can reach -at this point and time-. Please just face this answer and stop trying to change her."

At this point and time, your wife feels like her 'sexual engine' is running flat-out, in the Red Zone on the RPM meter. Adding sexual Horsepower to her engine and getting her into the Black again takes time, patience, experimentation, exploration, and dedication on both of your parts -- and I really wish you two had a therapist in the loop to help guide the both of you in the process.

At the same time, you're feeling like someone FINALLY took the govenor off your engine and gave you a little space to go above Idle Speed -- for the first time in years. It feels great, and you will have a *very strong* tendency to try and push things further and faster.

And thus you have arguments like the one you had. Your wife rightly feels like you keep "upping the bar" the instant she even comes close to reaching it at it's old setting. And if you keep doing this to her, she is likely to get discouraged and stop trying again. Her rejection triggers a very old, conditioned response in you, and you become angry and frustrated with her, despite the fact that she's running flat-out and working hard to make you feel more loved. I very nearly derailed my own SSM recovery a couple of times doing this exact thing.

Throttle back, and do more encouraging and praising --> she's in the game and trying: keep her there.

-- B.

(Three mixed metaphores in one post...a new record!)