An Update from Superstar!

[Superstar]

Hello all, it has been a while since I updated my sitch, so I thought now would be a good time to do so.

My sitch is linked in my signature, but here is a quick time line for those who do not remember:

17 years married. 2 kids. Everything good, no problems to speak of. Great sex, no debt, big house, brand new cars, professional jobs, kids on honor roll, never a fight between us. Life is on cruise control.

8/24: She tells me "I'm not happy with our R", and then heads off to a (pre-planned) nite out with "her girlfriends". I'm stunned to say the least. This is the first time I had any indications of a problem in our R.

8/25: Rolls over in bed (after closing down a bar with "her girlfriends") and says "I want a D, it can happen in 62 days in this state and that is what I want!". WTF?!?!? She swears, there is no one else.

8/25-9/24: I beg, I plead, I guilt, I'm a mess. She refuses C, refuses any idea that this can be fixed. She is detached and distant. Her Dad makes her attend MC with me...waste of $2K as she sits there with her arms crossed and refuses to participate. Who is this person?

9/25: I hired a PI to tail her for two weekends while she is "out with her girlfriends". Turns out she WAS out with her girlfriends (all divorced...hint!) AND a guy she works with. PI has pix of very un-married like behavior with him. PI provides me her phone records for the last 6 months (don't ask how) and it turns out she started texting this guy in May and it has since ramped up to 140 texts in a single month. /Vomit.

9/26: I confront her at 4AM (she didn't get home until 3:30AM). I ask for the truth AGAIN. She lies. I tell her I have proof. She says I am bluffing. I present her with a bit of what the PI gave me and she caves. "Perhaps I shared too much of my emotions with some of my co-workers.". I ask her to re-consider MC. She refuses. "I'm done...I'm pretty sure I never loved you and I'm positive I don't love you now!". She says I just need to "get over" OM already. I give her two choices: Respect this home and stop contacting OM while we are still married, or leave. She chooses #2 and packs up her clothes and leaves for her parents'(10 minute drive). She is pissed.

9/26: Expose, Expose, Expose. I tell everyone. Her parents, mine, friends...pretty much everyone but her place of business. She is MORE pissed.

9/28: I'm served at work with D papers. Turns out she had consulted a L on 8/21, prior to the bomb. She had the L working on D papers before she even dropped the bomb.

10/1: GAL begins. 180s begin.

10/4: I invite her over for her favorite dinner (I'm a good cook) in an attempt to reduce the open hostility. Two minutes before the entree is served, her phone rings...OM...she actually answers and has a conversation standing not 10' from me and S7. "I will not have you disrespect me, our home, and our family...you need to leave. Now." On her way out I tell her that when she is willing to work on M, that I will be here, but as long as OM is in the picture that she needs to limit contact to D or child matters.

10/5: TRIPLE DARK BEGINS! Detachment begins.

10/5-Today: I am 62 pounds lighter. GAL continues for ME. 180s are not 180s anymore, they are habit. Dark is a way of life, but she probably gets as much out of it as I do as it allows her to reduce some guilt. We have probably spoken 10 words since October, which considering we have 2 kids, it is pretty dang dark. Not once have I seen any glimmer of hope from her, no emails, no texts, just POOF! she was gone. I said before it feels more like my wife died rather than a D and this feeling still stands.

She is still seeing OM as far as I know. She still lives with her parents. I should have the second draft of her decree (her responses to my changes) sometime this week. Assuming no deal-breakers, D will be final sometime this month.

So desperate is she to run away, she has given up claim to pretty much everything. She is leaving our ~500K estate with $2500 cash and a formal dining set. I keep the house and everything else. Custody is 50/50. I only pay her 20% of the difference in our salaries for CS. My L says take it and run...let her use this screwing as a lesson for her next D.

Dark helped me control my emotions, but it really didn't do anything for my R. I know that while she is involved with OM that there is really nothing to be done anyway, but sometimes I wonder if dark only served to push her further away. Either way, It had to be done for my sanity and emotional health.

My 18th anniversary is on the 16th and I think that will be a hard day for me but we shall see. It's been hard for me to not backslide, but I haven't and I am proud of that.

Big hugs to Puppy, Sandi and Phoenix for their support through all this.