Just keep in mind guys, that in general, women don't / can't just "turn on" in the same way that you can. You're trying to start a campfire the old-fashioned way, and in a strained relationship, in wet weather to boot. it takes careful attention to what's going on and how she's responding to what you're doing in any particular moment, and --> time <--. Dry your tender....get a spark going....feed the small flame.....bank it and build it slowly.
Hehe, uncanny coincidence you picked this analogy, or based on the title of my thread?
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First, if your LD spouse is feeling PRESSURE for sex, and doesn't trust regular non-sexual touch from you -- she always thinks you "only have one thing on your mind" and use *every* touch as a precursor to sex -- then everything I've written can easily backfire on you. While you're trying to relax her and coax her into arousal, she's getting more and more tense, knowing and dreading where you're going. Before you even head for the bedroom, she either has to have agreed ahead of time that a sexual encounter is alright with her, OR that she's at least open to the idea of letting you try to take her there. Be open and honest about your intentions from the beginning --> if you try to *sneak* her into the mood, it may very well backfire on you, either during the encounter or in the aftermath.
EXACTLY what I was thinking. As mentioned before, establishing intention is something I am working on, since my old pattern was to always move from non-sexual to sexual touch. Now when I want to ML I tell my W early in the day what I want and what I am thinking about so she can decide ahead of time if she is willing or not. This leaves other times open to touching her non-sexually without taking it there.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
