Seperated But Living Together

[stillloveshim]

Wow.
Take a deep breathe.
Is there anything that could have set him off when he was on his way home and you called about helping him with his laundry? I was wondering if maybe he was mad about something else and decided to take it out on you. And once he did, he felt better and maybe even guilty, hence acting lovie-dovie when he got home.

As far as the over-drafting.....you paid for it. You accepted responsibility and you paid him back. It was a mistake and it's happens. There will be more mistakes. He needs to deal with it--you have. I would take the stand that you made restitution, you also apologized. Now everyone needst move on.

You made a mistake and you cleared it up. Over. What's next?

[2gthrButApart]

He said he got upset on his way home, b/c he was thinking. He was trying to motivate himself to go to the gym, and I interrupted his flow of concentration. He said he just wanted a few mins of his day to be for HIM, and for HIM to be able think.

[2gthrButApart]

Hi,
Now, you are saying that he deleted pictures of you from his phone. Unless he told you about this by himself, there should be no way that you know about this. I think he feels that you follow him closely and he pays you back with a repulsion. TAKE YOUR FOCUS OUT OF HIM.

Thank you so much for your advice, I will definitely take it into account, b/c I think you and I are a lot alike. For V- day, I got him a nice gift grom the girls, and a nice gift from me. Maybe that's persuing?? Or maybe he likes it b/c he has GIVEN sooo much over the course of our marriage, hardly receiving any physical materialistic gifts in return?? I'm not sure.

As for the pictures, he openly told me. He said he cleaned everything out of his phone, doesn't know why, just did. He kept pics of our girls. Even deleted pics of him, basically all pics in general.

He still has me in his phone as "My Baby" so don't know if that means anything, or just lazy to change it???

[stillloveshim]

I agree with Art_Pl.....your H is very confused and his actions are pretty much proof of that. I agree with Art that you should pull your focus from him and focus on you, the girls, outside interests, etc.
Also remember: Believe nothing they say and only 50% of what they do. That rule has made my life much easier.

[2gthrButApart]

Ok, I'm proud of me. I didn't have a nasty mouth, even during those texts. LOL. I tend to have a very nasty mouth when I'm hurt, b/c I know just the right things to make it sting, basically I would try to hurt him as much as I was hurt. Which made him feel disrespected, and added to the downfall of our M. But anyway...

He just sent me a TM, He said ;

I'm sorry about what I told you. I don't hate you, i can Never say that. But I was mad.

I replied;

I accept your apology, I know you were mad, I was upset with myself for letting it get past me after doing so well, being on top of all of the bills for so long.

He replied: Ok
**************************************************************

Sooo...Now what?? What behavior will be appropriate on the trip? We are meeting up with some of MY friends, that have NO idea about any of this, while we are on the trip.

Should I just follow his lead with how we act with eachother?

[Art_Pl]

Sometimes I act so stupid that my advises may worth next to nothing. Right now this moment my wife has a date with OM. Of course she did not say this to me, but i know, I saw her hiding in a closed with a phone, before she left. And probably she knows that I know. She told me that she went shopping and will be back not earlier than in three hours. So I was stupid enough to call her, and ask to buy (since she was shopping) a small thing for me. I called only to brake their conversation. But this would be the easiest way to push her away, not have her back.
I read carefully your posts. The thing is that family is a natural center of gravity and your H probably will be back. But this has to be only his decision. He must understand how much he loves you before he returns back and you become a happy family. You should give him this option right now, before he becomes really sex starved. So you should be close, but not annoying for him.Presents on Valentine... the only good idea that comes to me is that you may sign a postcard TOGETHER with your daughters. Presents on Birthday, Christmas etc should not be more expensive than presents to your friends. But your attitude towards him should be always pleasant and smiley. Always

[Art_Pl]

Concerning the money issue. Your ultimate goal is to avoid conflicts with him. Separate account will help

[stillloveshim]

I know it's hard and I have a VERY difficult time doing this, but you have to treat him as a friend. Ask youself, "if my good girlfriend were going with me on this trip, how would I act? How would I treat her?" Whatever that answer is, that's what you should do.
Basically the advice I was given (and I think it's good)is that he has said, like my H, that he doesn't want to be married to you anymore. So if you continue to treat him like your H, that could potentially drive him away because according to him, he is sick of that and wants out. (Like my H has said in not so many words.) So treat him like a friend.
It's harder than it sounds, so let me know if you can master this.

[2gthrButApart]

Thanks Art and SLH,

I'm having such a difficult time being just his "friend" I have kind of mastered the 180 of not calling or texting him for no apparent reason throughout the day. But its hard being just his friend b/c I love him so much. And I know I HAVE to do this b/c I love him so much.

I have stopped asking him questions, no matter how badly I have the urge to, that is another 180 of mine. Man, I have become so darn needy over the yrs. Since I stopped asking questions he offers a lil' more information.

As for the trip, as I mentioned before, he doesn't and/or hasn't told anyone we are seperated, so I'm not sure how he's going to act with me in front of these people. Last time we had family over he kissed me on the lips so they won't suspect anything.

I found it weird but nice that he apologized so quickly today, and yesterday, since I ignored him, and did not feed into his anger, and I didn't say SORRY!!! I said I apologize. LOL And yesterday I demanded an apology, telling him he cannot disrespect me by speaking to me that way. (Boundary???)

[Art_Pl]

You may hate to hear this but I think it is a good advice. Tell him that he may not go on this trip. Otherwise he will some tension which may cost too much for your relations.