Hi. I am 35 and my wife is 32. We have 3 kids - S11 D8 D6. Right before Thanksgiving my W dropped the bomb that she had a one time fling and she was pregnant. I forgave her and we decided to work on our relationship. I really took a look at myself and how I treated her. I was very controlling and needy. I was always checking up on her etc. She had an abortion in December. Things between us seemed to improve. Feb 6 I caught her in a lie and she came home drunk and told me that it wasn't a one time thing, that she was having an ongoing affair with her boss since October. She said she loved both of us and didn't know what to do, that she was confused. She left for the weekend to think about things. When she came home she was very warm to me and then turned very cold and said that the only reason she came home was for the kids, that we would basically co-exist. She was warm to me the rest of the week and told me that she was going to work on our relationship but she needed time. I asked what she was getting out of the affair and she said independence.
2 weeks ago I caught her in another lie. She said she had to work late but she ended up being with the OM. She came home and blew up at me like it was my fault she lied to me. She said she was leaving grabbed some of her stuff and was gone. She stopped by the house a few days later and said that she wanted to be a mom but didn't want to be in a relationship. She gave me the ILYBINILWYA. We talked for awhile and decided that our relationship had grown out of a great friendship so we were going to start with rebuilding the friendship. She agreed to go to MC. We started last week. C told my wife that she is running from her problems. Referred her for IC because the C says she needs help badly. My W holds onto everything that has ever hurt her.
I have started to do some 180's and concentrating on being a positive person. After doing some reading on here the past couple of days I am starting to work on setting goals. One that I was thinking about came true yesterday. I wanted her to initiate physical contact. I have not gone dark but I have resisted the urge to pursue.
She came to the house (I invited her for dinner with me and the kids). She told me that I look really good and that I smell good and she gave me a smack on the butt. My son and I were going to hockey game and I just gave a wave goodbye and she got a disappointed look on her face and came and gave me a hug goodbye.
Sorry this is so long. Please give feedback as to what direction I should go. Thanks
