Yesterday I screwed up big time. Wednesdays are W's day off, so after the success of last Saturday night, I mentioned that we might "do" something during the day. When she told me she had planned to do a bunch of housework, I countered with we won't be spending all day on it, plus I'll chip in and help out with whatever needs to be done.
W: "But we just did something 3 days ago. Wasn't that good enough for you?"
Me: "Yes, it was wonderful, that's why I want to do it again."
Then she insinuated that she would have the time if I had just done this stuff in the first place (cleaning the bath rooms). You have all this free time after all. That's when I blew my stack. It hit a raw nerve.
Do you think I sit around here all day doing nothing? I been working my ass off trying to find a f***ing job!"
There were even shoes flying. I took off and threw my slippers across the room. Thankfully they weren't Birks, I probably would have broken something.
Me: "Why do we have to fight tooth and nail over ML. It is something that is meant to bring us together not drive us apart."
W: "I just don't think I will ever be able to give you what you are wanting."
At one point she stripped and even said, "OK let's do something now."
Finally I cooled off and apologized for blowing up. But I didn't apologize for wanting this part of our M back. I'm tired of being the "sex police", but if I'm not we fall back into once a month or less and I won't go back there again.
I know I was so pushy and lost control. It's just so stupid to keep having to do this with her. Either she wants me or she doesn't. I feel terrible after we seemed to be doing so well over the weekend.
So we end up both furiously cleaning the bathrooms. When we finished all of that and took showers we ended up doing something but it wasn't ML. I don't know why I didn't just say let's wait until another day. It was bad, I know she was just pissed the whole time.
Like I said can somebody just shoot me now, I can't make this work anymore. This is the worst backslide yet. It may even be the sign of the beginning of the end of my M. I want to make my M work, I really do. I just don't know how or even IF it is workable anymore.
