Hey Burt....I am also "skinny" by most people's standards, and my man has also made it clear to me that he loves my tummy no matter what angle I am at....but it doesn't change the fact that I don't want him to touch it!
Funny thing is, my man has a tummy too, and when he crosses my boundaries and touches my tummy and then I tell him to stop it, sometimes he does it more to tease me and sort of try to prove to me that he likes it. Well after that, I usually then go "oh ok, well I like yours too!" and I spend a lot of time rubbing his tummy like he is a buddha, telling him "oh I love it, just love it honey" and spend lots of attention on it.
Suddenly he stops touching my tummy when I do that.
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
I will chime in with the other women and agree...do NOT touch our poochy parts! And no matter how much you say you don't mind it, it doesn't make a difference. Sorry guys, that's just something you need to learn to live with.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
So instead of starting in that "neutral zone" of the belly area we should go straight to above or below ?
This is all very situation dependent, but in general, if you're trying to bring your wife to an aroused state gradually via snuggling and physical touch -- that is, taking a "soft" approach -- then you initially need to keep things non-sexual and RELAXIHG for her. Relaxation is often key for a woman to become aroused: *especially* for LD women who aren't overtly sexual and for whom "hot, animal passion" is a rare thing. Here's one (of several) patterns you could try:
Touch, caress, and massage focusing primary on her back, neck, and scalp -- those natural tension spots. A foot massage is also a great way to relax her and get her enjoying your touch. I frequently give my wife a full-body massage, from scalp to toes, but even on a night when we don't have time for the 'full treatment' her back and neck are always the opening round.
From her lower back, it's a natural progression to move down to buttocks, hips, and upper thighs. A year or so ago, before we began really working on improving the level of physical touch (non-sexual and sexual) in our relationship, my wife would have reported that her buttocks were not much of an erogenous zone (they "didn't do much for her"). Now, however, they are a prime area for getting that opening, arousing 'tingle' started and growing. Only after paying proper attention to her backside do I move up her back again and around to her breasts, which by that time are generally aching for my attention --> which is exactly how you want it to be.
Just keep in mind guys, that in general, women don't / can't just "turn on" in the same way that you can. You're trying to start a campfire the old-fashioned way, and in a strained relationship, in wet weather to boot. it takes careful attention to what's going on and how she's responding to what you're doing in any particular moment, and --> time <--. Dry your tender....get a spark going....feed the small flame.....bank it and build it slowly.
Nowhere did I mentioned bellies, above. As the women here have pointed out, and my wife did to me, touch her belly and there are two things she'll be thinking: (1) He's touching my unattractive belly -- not a very arousing thought. (2) He's either going to go north or south from there, and I'm not ready for it yet. So don't go there unless she's fully aroused and ready for you to nibble her belly-button...and perhaps other spots.
Two more thoughts come to mind for this post.
First, if your LD spouse is feeling PRESSURE for sex, and doesn't trust regular non-sexual touch from you -- she always thinks you "only have one thing on your mind" and use *every* touch as a precursor to sex -- then everything I've written can easily backfire on you. While you're trying to relax her and coax her into arousal, she's getting more and more tense, knowing and dreading where you're going. Before you even head for the bedroom, she either has to have agreed ahead of time that a sexual encounter is alright with her, OR that she's at least open to the idea of letting you try to take her there. Be open and honest about your intentions from the beginning --> if you try to *sneak* her into the mood, it may very well backfire on you, either during the encounter or in the aftermath.
Second, while this "soft" approach may be necessary most of the time in the beginning of trying to repair a broken and sex-starved marriage, once the resentment barriers begin to fall and trust (particularly in the areas of touch and sex) begin to be rebuilt -- on both hers and your own part -- then other avenues to arousal will be open to you. With the right man, and in the right circumstances, women can thoroughly enjoy being "ravished" in an aggressive and passionate manner: a "hard" approach, if you will. As the man, YOU will have to take the lead, and the risk, in learning what approach works best *for the both of you* and at what times. And yep, you'll screw up from time to time, I know I do, but that's all part of the process, and you learn from it and move on.
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
Bagheera said: "With the right man, and in the right circumstances, women can thoroughly enjoy being "ravished" in an aggressive and passionate manner: a "hard" approach, if you will. As the man, YOU will have to take the lead, and the risk, in learning what approach works best *for the both of you* and at what times."
This is totally true, I can say by personal experience....HOWEVER, even though my man and I have a safe and happy enough sex life to the extent that he is basically allowed to sexually touch me anytime, any place (and he takes advantage of that right all the time, because he earned it)....on the other hand, he's still not allowed to just zone on in my tummy. He doesn't like that fact, because he wants access to my entire body at all times, but its the one area where I draw the line, because it turns ME OFF for him to touch my stomach. Once in a while, in the right position, etc...but not to just come up and grab me, no way, off limits. Every other part of my body gets groped by him daily at his whim....and I LOVE IT. Not the tummy though, nope.
He IS allowed to touch my waist however. So guys, if you can figure out the difference between touching her waist and touching her tummy, you will get as close as you can get, I think.
