If he chooses to leave, you can tell him that is not what you wish.
Just because there are no kids does NOT mean there will be no contact and just because he stays doesn't mean there will. So stop making assumptions. Like MT said, you are building and trying to cross bridges that aren't even there. I know how hard it is to keep from doing that.
Yes you really probably do need to sleep. It is hard to make much rational thought on a lack of sleep. What does your heart tell you about this R? What does your gut tell you about the things he is saying? You probably aren't certain right now. Once you can find calmness within yourself, and quiet your mind, you will be able to recognize what you are truly feeling.
I think I spent the first two months or so just sitting in parks, in the woods, on my front porch watching and listening to the birds, the trees, the wind. For me that is soothing to my soul. Other than the boards, I talked to almost no one. I thought until my brain hurt. When I could still make no sense out of anything, I stopped thinking and just started listening to the beauty and peace that I was surrounding myself with. After that, I was able to start listening to my heart, my soul, my intuition. I started to open my heart to myself and let myself feel what I was feeling and it wasn't all bad. I found my center. I found my joy again. It was after that that I have been able to view this whole situation with a lot more clarity and sort of from an outside perspective. Then I started making steps for myself. Steps that I need to make for me and me alone. I now have the ability to say, just like I did when we started dating almost 20 years ago, if this works, great, if it doesn't, that's ok too and I am ok.
This is a learning process for all of us. Take the time you have available and see what you need to learn, what you want to change about yourself, for you not for him or your marriage. I smile now all the time. I laugh, I joke. I sing and dance again. I didn't do that for a long long time. Read the books, they do help, but don't read them looking for a solution, read them with an open mind, read every part of them whether you think they apply to you or not. Read them and absorb the information and learn from it. Read the threads, you will see you aren't alone, you will see stories of inspiration all over this board. The archives are filled with them. Not all marriages are saved but they are still wonderful stories. They may give you ideas of what direction to take, may help you to recognize those teeny tiny things that you might miss. Patience is a major key here.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
