Someone E-mailed me about what I am doing with this "love dare" and how it is kind of "against" the NMMNG approach. Yes It is. But as they say.. Try one thing and if it does not work try something else..If you have been following along with my thread you will know that I have tried EVERYTHING and was willing to try almost anything.. EVERY sitch is different and no approach is totally right.I have kept the things that worked and let go of what has not. I think If my wife was being a Total "alien" like some others WAS here the Hard "get on board or get out" approach could have ended the M right away. IF she was truly sorry for what happened and was afraid of ending our marriage the same approach could have brought her back. I think My W was "on the fence" She was not happy and did not know why. I think that she was at a point that she was trying to find something about me that would justify her feelings. Kind of like looking for my weapons of mass destruction....... I really like the analogy of the farmer...Growing up on a ranch I could really relate to that.. I am not doing things for my W to get her back. I am doing them because I care. Just like taking care of your crop..or animals.. If you provide a good environment they will grow....YOU CAN AFFECT HOW OTHER FEEL / REACT... I have changed my / our home from someplace that I had begun to hate to go to after work back to my home. This may sound weird or strange but then again maybe some of you can relate. I would feel hopeful, confident and good throughout the day but when I got home it felt like the air was heavy. Like my house was cursed. The thought..(Don’t laugh) of maybe having a priest come bless the house did cross my mind. And If I felt that way my W must have felt the same. So I started making our home a happy place again. Someplace to want to be. And what kind of helped was that my wife started working at a temp job that she does not like. So think how this would have affected her. At least I had my job as a refuge. Here she was not happy about her job and then had nothing to come home to except our house filled with toxic Vibes.... It started with the banner welcoming her home from work one day. I really think that is where the change had begun. I also changed myself. FOR MYSELF. I started listening to myself and wondered if I was married to myself would I be happy with me? I took myself off of the "automatic" reply mode and went to "Manual" Other things I have done.. I painted the wash room a nice mellow baby blue..With dark blue trim. I hug pictures of the kids growing up, of wife and me at dinner years ago. These are the first thing wife see's when she comes home from work. I also hug other pictures up in our house. Pictures of Vacations we went on. Happy memories...It is how amazing how things that you don't really know you pay attention to affect how you feel. Looking at the pictures of our wedding made me feel sad. Like that happy time was so long ago. But looking at the pictures of our Vacations reminded me of happy times... Ok so I took up enough space here.. OT where did you go?
today’s dare I was not looking forward to..
TODAY'S DARE Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. Just be together.
I was going to stay up later that my usual bed time and sit with wife and watch her soap operas (UHG).
BUT..The lord was looking out for me. He gave me a break. Wife said she was going to go to my son's school tonight for a bingo fund raiser...GREAT... I can spend time with her, neglect my activity of sleeping and I get to eat hotdogs....
Take care everyone and have a wonderful day
Dr Love
Love is a shelter in the raging storm Love is peace in the middle of a war If we try to leave, may God send His angels to guard the door No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
