you are NEVER a fool when you put your trust in Him. God will walk you through every valley that you come to in life. I wholeheartedly believe this, as I see his guiding hand daily in my own life. I have been reading along but not posting lately. You are doing great! I loved the banner you hung in the garage.
DH will be home from deployment soon. I have bought two banners for homecoming--one to hang on the car in the parking lot, the other to hang on the garage door. Hopefully, he will be coming back to the house.
Keep up the great work and know that you are being cheered on from Va, even if I am not a visible presence.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Thanks. I am sad to say those 8 years of catholic school and then watching the people in church cheat on their spouses, steal and lie during the week and then think that if they went to church everything would be erased... kind of left a bad feeling in me toward the church. I always figured god was watching me he knows what I do. I did not realize that I was judging the other people going to church and not just leaving that to God and just go there to take care of my own business. I am not "back yet" but I am getting there. I have been tested over and over with the lose of my first wife to drugs.. the lose of my leg in a car accident..the lose of a baby with my current wife. I always took care of myself though. Never once asked for help....until now.
Some new stuff happened tonight. Nothing really big but a change no less. Wife asked me if I would go fill her car up with gas tonight. It is windy and raining here and she was too tired to do it after work. I said Sure..(Extra credit on dare 11 I think) Anyway this is a change because for the longest time wife would not ask me to do anything for her. She wanted NOTHING to do with me. She did not want to show any "dependence" to anyone. Last time she asked me to do anything for her was about a year ago when she was real sick for about a month. She asked ME to wash her hair for her in the sink. (I was in heaven.. Closest thing to sex we had in a long time .. I got to touch her .. Ok it was just her head but still ...) Dare 13 is going to be a wash...
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs. If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.
We don't argue but in the book were some examples of "fair engagement" so I will abide by them..
Well got to go Thanks for stopping by. I wonder if I am just using up space here sometimes or if people are really following along and just don't post.. I hope I am doing someone good somewhere remember....
NEVER LEAVE YOUR PARTNER BEHIND
Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
The night before last wife said something about since it was a rainy day she was going to make stew. Now ME I would have made the stew or soup early in the day so that you could "snack" on it through out the day. But my wife waited until late. Now I get up at 3:00am so I normally go to bed about 8:00pm. Well my D called and needed a ride home from work and she was getting off at 7:00pm. Wife informed me that dinner would not be ready until about 6:30.. Being stew it takes another 1/2 hour to cool... so I told her that's ok I will have some tomorrow I don't want to eat and then go right to bed.(I did not say anything about how I would have been nice if it were made earlier) So I went to pick up my D and when I got back I was sooo hungry that I got some stew anyway. Wife came into the kitchen and said. I thought you were not going to eat and then go to bed? I told her I was hungry. She said "That's ok you can go to the gym and work out tomorrow at work, I need to start going to the gym also" As I said earlier about her asking me to fill her car with gas.. In the past like when I tried to give up smoking her response was. "Great... does this mean I am going to have to encourage you?" VERY SARCASTICLY" she went out of her way to not show any "caring". Now here she is encouraging me to go to the gym....I am praying for patients. I want to hurry up and get to a good place but I know it is going to take time.
Take care Jak58
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Kinda lurking today. Don't know why. Your W reallly seems to be reacting positivly to your changes. Keep up the great job and I feel you will be well rewarded.
The Gym! Wow I have slacked and the way my clothes fit show it. I can't wait until spring to get out and walk amoung other things. The snow id still so deep her that it is up to the eves of the roof and there is no where to shovel it off of the roof. Depressing!
I am praying for patients. I want to hurry up and get to a good place but I know it is going to take time.
I will pray with you for all of us.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Someone E-mailed me about what I am doing with this "love dare" and how it is kind of "against" the NMMNG approach. Yes It is. But as they say.. Try one thing and if it does not work try something else..If you have been following along with my thread you will know that I have tried EVERYTHING and was willing to try almost anything.. EVERY sitch is different and no approach is totally right.I have kept the things that worked and let go of what has not. I think If my wife was being a Total "alien" like some others WAS here the Hard "get on board or get out" approach could have ended the M right away. IF she was truly sorry for what happened and was afraid of ending our marriage the same approach could have brought her back. I think My W was "on the fence" She was not happy and did not know why. I think that she was at a point that she was trying to find something about me that would justify her feelings. Kind of like looking for my weapons of mass destruction....... I really like the analogy of the farmer...Growing up on a ranch I could really relate to that.. I am not doing things for my W to get her back. I am doing them because I care. Just like taking care of your crop..or animals.. If you provide a good environment they will grow....YOU CAN AFFECT HOW OTHER FEEL / REACT... I have changed my / our home from someplace that I had begun to hate to go to after work back to my home. This may sound weird or strange but then again maybe some of you can relate. I would feel hopeful, confident and good throughout the day but when I got home it felt like the air was heavy. Like my house was cursed. The thought..(Don’t laugh) of maybe having a priest come bless the house did cross my mind. And If I felt that way my W must have felt the same. So I started making our home a happy place again. Someplace to want to be. And what kind of helped was that my wife started working at a temp job that she does not like. So think how this would have affected her. At least I had my job as a refuge. Here she was not happy about her job and then had nothing to come home to except our house filled with toxic Vibes.... It started with the banner welcoming her home from work one day. I really think that is where the change had begun. I also changed myself. FOR MYSELF. I started listening to myself and wondered if I was married to myself would I be happy with me? I took myself off of the "automatic" reply mode and went to "Manual" Other things I have done.. I painted the wash room a nice mellow baby blue..With dark blue trim. I hug pictures of the kids growing up, of wife and me at dinner years ago. These are the first thing wife see's when she comes home from work. I also hug other pictures up in our house. Pictures of Vacations we went on. Happy memories...It is how amazing how things that you don't really know you pay attention to affect how you feel. Looking at the pictures of our wedding made me feel sad. Like that happy time was so long ago. But looking at the pictures of our Vacations reminded me of happy times... Ok so I took up enough space here.. OT where did you go?
today’s dare I was not looking forward to..
TODAY'S DARE Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. Just be together.
I was going to stay up later that my usual bed time and sit with wife and watch her soap operas (UHG).
BUT..The lord was looking out for me. He gave me a break. Wife said she was going to go to my son's school tonight for a bingo fund raiser...GREAT... I can spend time with her, neglect my activity of sleeping and I get to eat hotdogs....
Take care everyone and have a wonderful day
Dr Love
Love is a shelter in the raging storm Love is peace in the middle of a war If we try to leave, may God send His angels to guard the door No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I'm not sure I see any conflict with NMMNG, though I haven't read the book.
But, I can tell you as a woman that the unattractive features of "nice guys" are spinelessness, lack of initiative (for fear doing something might not be what the woman wants), not having one's own opinions and views (for fear the opinions and views might conflict with the woman's), not being able to make choices (for similar fears), doormatting, not standing up for oneself, not being strong, not showing leadership, being too sensitive in that the woman has to coddle the man like a child, and so on...
As far as I can tell, you aren't doing those things. Indeed, all your current actions are taking you in the opposite direction on every point I mentioned.
I see no problem with being generous (without self-sacrificing or abasement), considerate, thoughtful, caring, and genuinely compassionate.
You are acting much more like a strong, happy man rather than a pouty, angry, and resentful child. That is certainly far more attractive. So, no, I'm not seeing how that conflicts with NMMNG. And, if it does, so much the worse for NMMNG.
My D17 has put that song on her myspace after watching the movie. That is exactly how I feel about my situation. I know God is working behind the mountain and I need to be patient, but sometimes, every now and again, I think it would be nice if I could get a glimmer of something. I guess DH spending 40 minutes on the phone with me just discussing the kids and household stuff was a positive, in some way, right? Who knows.
I think you are doing a great job and I do not see a conflict here, either. I agree with Ot that you are showing a confident happy man, secure enough in who he is to be sensitive to the needs of others, especially someone you care deeply about.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
.. I got to touch her 
.. Ok it was just her head but still 
...)