Still here......

[Belle]

Yes, I did a lot of practicing and it paid off!!!

Sorry this is so long, but hopefully it's an easy read.

Before I tell you the convo I have to say that it is really ironic that before our talk he told me that he rented Fireproof the previous night. !!!! I have been praying for a long time that he would watch that. I couldn't believe that the night that I decide to have this talk, he tells me this. He said that it had a really good message.....I know that God has been answering my prayers and perhaps he is even timing it perfectly for me!

Here is how it went:

Me: So, you moved out 8 months ago, said you were confused and you needed to clear your head.

H: OK

Me: H, I want you to know that I know you are having an intimate relationship with OW.

H: OK

Me: It doesn't matter how I know, I just know. And I don't think that this is helping to clear your head.

H: OK

Me: Your actions are not honoralble.

H: OK

They are not acceptable for a married man.

H: OK

Me: This deceit is incredibly disrespectful to me and our marriage. (Thanks for that one, PDT)

H: OK

Me: I still love you H, but I am done. I am done enabling your actions, I am done being your friend. Because even friends don't treat each other like this. I'm done being your friend - I don't want you to call me and I don't want to talk to you.

H: OK

Me: And that's all I have to say. (10 sec silence) Would you like your tea to go? (When he got there, he asked me to make him tea and I got kind of irritated, but I made it anyway)

H: No, I will finish it.

Silence for about a minute as we drink our tea and I don't look at him.

H: I don't really have anything to say.

(I just raise my eyebrows)

H: I mean, I still think about you and I'm still confused.
What do you think I should do?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I was pretty speechless)

Me: H, I can't tell you what to do, you have to make decisions on your own. But I can tell you that I am not going to live with a 3rd person in our M. Right now our M may be only on a friendship level, but we're still married. And I will not live with a 3rd person in our M. (Thanks again, PDT)

I think that was pretty much it - he told me he would drop off a plate of mine that he has tomorrow. He left.

So I get on the phone with my girlfriend to fill her in. About 5-10 minutes later, the doorbell rings, and it's him with the plate.

H: Here's your plate and do you want the keys to the house and garage door opener? Because it seems like that's what you want.

Me: Yes, fine.

(H is standing in the doorway, trying to get the keys off the ring.)

H: Can I come in?

Me: Fine.

H: So what's going on? I don't know what's going on.

Me: I just told you what's going on. You are having an affair, I don't want to talk to you. Would you want to talk to your wife who was having an affair?

H: Well, maybe.

Me: Oh come on! (He in the past has been VERY jealous and dumped his previous fiancee when he got info that she let another guy pay attention to her - I can't remember if he kissed her) H, I am not going to make this a long drawn out conversation.

H: I just don't know what's going on, because I don't want to come back and be in the same situation I was before.

Me (calmly): We already talked about that.

H: When??

Me: When we were at dinner that one night I told you if we ever got back together it would have to be completely different and you agreed. We'd have to go to counseling.

H: I know I haven't been happy lately, and I think you know that. I'm not happy. I don't know what to do.

Me: I know you think I am crazy, but there is only one thing that can make you happy - God.

H: I never said you were crazy.

Me: Don't you agree that what you're doing is incredibly disrespectful?

H: Yes, I agree. Then I will have to have to take care of that.

(????)

Then he went to leave again, but didn't have his keys to the garage so had to come back again to unlock the door to the garage. I told him to lock the door from the inside when he leaves and shut the garage door - to which he said "I can't" and I realized "Duh"

This is the only point in the night that I think I messed up - I was frustrated b/c I just wanted to get him out of the house. I looked exasperated and he said "Should I just keep the keys and the opener?" To which I said "Fine"

As he was putting the keys back on the ring he was chuckling and said "This is so messed up"

Me: What are you laughing about? There's nothing to laugh about.

H: Sorry, it's just so messed up.

I walked into the other room. I turned around and he was walking towards me with tears in his eyes and he went to hug me. He started crying and he hugged me for about 30 sec, crying all the while. I didn't cry and I didn't say anything. He whispered "I'm sorry" and I didn't respond. He let go of me, turned away, and left.

All in all, I think it went well and I think I did good.

I don't know what's going to happen now but I'm glad I stood up for myself.

If he decides he wants to work on our M, I just don't know what I am going to do. I don't know if I can get over his PA. It is so awful to think of. I am sure others know where I am coming from.

And what if he does call me up and tell me that he's done with OW and wants to work on our M? What do I say then??? Ok, let's go??? Do I tell him he needs to sort things out on his own first???

I just don't know. I suppose I shouldn't worry as it may never happen but I want to be ready if he does approach me. Any advice?