a lot of Counselors do not either believe in MLC or understand it our C said the same,its not MLC you will figure it out as time goes on
We all feel we caused it the breakup..if we were only better, this is not true the MLC happens anyway
I also went thru a lot of reflection, noticing all I did wrong in the M I also made amends to my H later for my part in the failure oif our M Bottom line is nothing can really make them wake up they have to go thru the journey on their own it is sad but we hold on to the thought that maybe there can be a R later and in the mean timne we let them go we grow into the best people we could be I spent 2 years allowing my H to come and go here at my hgouse I was as supportive and caring as a wife could be given the circomstances that was my amends to him for my part of thr failure that was my best shot at trying to make him see what we could have He still is not ready to return I have to keep going without him now detaching and setting boundries you will make it thru hold on peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I'm thinking MLC because, hated job, sold business, new job, still stressful, ex wife hounding him for money. Was all lovely right up til the moment he dropped the bomb. Still in the house. Can't quite tell me what is wrong, even though I have said tell the truth as I need it.
no longer in love because
Sold business, realised it wasn't that making him unhappy, my behaviour in the past.
Every instinct in me is telling me to shake it out him for my own peace of mind and I'm fighting it so hard. I just know there is more to this. There is something he is keeping back and I don't know if it's because he no longer loves me or he doesn't want to hurt me or both.
Regrets I know how hard it all is But our H really dont know what has happened either there is nothing to get our of them they are confused the crisies tells them if they were to leave the M, They would be happy if they could spend all the money, they would find happiness they run from themselves and see the M as part of the problem they are incapable(most of them in MLC) to see the truth that it is not the answewr to run from a M and family I have 2 kids 7 and 13 my H really loves the kids although he is now distancing himself a little as I have distanced myself to protect myself and start moving on MY H has given up everything and/or lost all he had in the crises he contunues to run they avoid looking at themsleves most of them get nowhere and wind up losing all it takes a while for them to wake-years peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I've been reading, I was where you are, I'm so sorry you are hurting. I desperately wanted answers and did so right up until about Christmas of this year... but that was a year after he had left. You wont get them. Everyone told me that and I didnt believe them...
Dont listen to your C! I had 14 months of C and they were very helpful to me and for me, but when it came to him, yes some say, walk away, some say, clearly he is depressed and wont be able to give you anything.. I dont know but the advice varied... the only T that helped and was spot on was the DB coach, Jody, who has counselled 3000 couples and has epxerience with men in MLC and /or with depression. She has been very astute and wise.
You need to look at yourself and work on yourself whilst you keep waiting if you want to wait for him. Stop asking for explanations/answers, he probabky hasnt got them! GIve him the space he asks for and trust that the answers will come om time, but not for a very very long time.
My ex told me IDLYA... its over, for good, I'm 100% sure.. I'm certain.. etc. NOt even ILYBINILWYA.. just IDLYA. 15 months later he still emails me every few days and last month I finally heard that he had told his best friend that he doesnt know why he left, thre was no reason, he jist thinks he had a MLC, that he misses me and ow doesnt 'get him' like I did, its not right with her like it was with me... if I knew back after the bomb that I would have to wait 14 months to hear that, I would never have believed it !!!!
You dont know what he's thinking, or why hes acting this way, he probably doesnt either.. but time will tell, and lots of it!!!!
Take care of yourself, stop asking/crying/pushing.. give him the space he is asking for and be patient, forgiving and wait and see.
Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I know lol. So sly because he said look it's not affair, I just need time so me thinking right, don't snoop, he wouldn't watch you in this torment if it was. I EVEN SAID Is IT WITH XX FROM WORK, no, nothing like that he said. . B'tard.
I think affairs do bring a particular layer of issues to the situation, that need to be addressed with specific strategies and tactics. We can debate all day if MLC causes an inordinate number of affairs, or if affairs and their chemical-awashed brains cause an abundance of MLCs, but the immediate obstacle is the OM.
I personally think you have to address the adultery before you can address the MLC, and when there is drug or alcohol abuse involved (just speaking generally), you have to address THAT before you can address the adultery.
I don't think I'm going to get the chance to get answers? How do you get them from someone who just keeps saying doesn't know what he was unhappy with me, but has feeling with someone who was going through the same thing.
I really think that will be it. No answers. It seems crazy but don't really know how to get them from him, he just won't tell me and gets angry when I ask was it this, was it that.
I feel sick, he was in earlier sorting out shelves, feel like I'm going to get told to move soon.
It's probably complete paranoia on my part, but what if he wants me out and her and her daughter in.
