Standing on the Edge

[native]

Kenn, I have been focused on work the last few days. The future of the economy has me concerned....

I will say that as far as W is concerned, she is acting completely disengaged. She doesn't even call to tell her D goodnight, though she hasn't seen her in 3 days.

Sometimes I get the feeling that she would rather just forget that she was ever married or had a kid. She is more interested in living single.

I can understand why, theoretically. She got married at 25, had not really spent much time after college as an independent single (though she was really glad to be out of the dating pool and married at the time).

During our M, I took over more and more of the responsibilities of childcare and household duties, since she was dropping the ball on all of it, so she eventually assumed the role of dependent, and I became more of a parent/authority figure in her mind.

So somewhere she realized that she needed to take responsiblity, but chose to do it without me.

She has a hell of a lot of issues with controlling people (her mother being the primary one) in her past R patterns. I imagine her passivity put me in a mode of having to take control or else see our daughter unparented and the house a continuous mess and our finances down the tubes.

I have years of anger for her having decided to abandon me and our D.

Stepping back, it really doesn't look good for us reconcilling. I mean, she would have to have some real aha moments about her own behavior, and I don't see that happening yet.

Furthermore, she does not attempt to make herself look appealing at all. She can be very attractive just by adding a smile and some minor attention to her clothing, but right now everytime I see her she seems lifeless and bland. So I don't really find her attractive right now.

This is all to say that I expect I will file for divorce come August 10th. I told her she had the year of seperation, after that all bets were off.

Will it wake her up, or will she sign the papers? IDK, but I eventually need to make a final decision so I can move on, despite how much I would want it to work out otherwise.