No, I haven't read that book but have heard it mentioned a few times. Maybe I'll see if I can find it.
The only large issue we had in our marriage before MLC was that he didn't help me around the house. I did the laundry every Thurs night while he played hockey, cleaned while he was out with his son, etc. I would do this for about six months waiting for him to do his share just once and then I would confront him. He would try for a week or so to help and then slip back into his pattern. It was very frustrating for me because I really didn't want to be that type of figure in the relationship.
When MLC hit, my looking after him and the house caused him to lose respect for me so I will never fall into that pattern again, if I ever live with someone.
I did tell h that I wanted us to do things together and that is why we took up tennis. I also started golfing a lot more than I normally would. H didn't make much effort to do things that I would like to do however, and when he did, I always knew that he really didn't want to be there and it would only make me anxious, especially in the last two years of our marriage.
H is very quiet, EXTREMELY quiet, and sporting activities means he doesn't have to participate in conversations. I am a big talker so I more than made up for it but again, in the last two years, I had begun to stop trying so hard because he seemed so BORED with me. I didn't get angry though, just sad and confused.
H tried to accommodate his s as much as possible and show interest but wasn't very good at faking it. H has always been self-centered and I have always told him that. It certainly became exaggerated to the extreme during the MLC.
As you said, once the MLC starts there is NOTHING we can do to turn things around. I still can't believe what my h has done to his life.
