I was supposed to get divorced tomorrow...!

[1853dave]

OK, the latest update:

Today being Wednesday, I was not scheduled to have the kids at all today. However, I had a dental appointment at 4pm, and it usually lasts about an hour. The office is near an outdoor mall, where the kids and I often go to eat or play at the playground there. I had an idea and thought I'd stick my neck out a bit.

On Wednesdays that D9 has Girl Scouts, the W and two kids meet a friend and her daughter around 4:30pm for dinner (usually at Wendy's or McD's or another fast food joint located across the street from the mall) and around 5:15pm they go off to Girl Scouts.

I called the W and asked her if D9 had Girl Scouts tonight. She did, so I offered that since I would be in the area at that time, I would be willing to take D4 off of her hands while the older kids do their Girl Scout thing. She could then pick up D4 on her way back home, or I would take her home at the appropriate time. At first W was not interested, saying that she had a few errands to run first. I told her that I could meet them just before they left for the GS meeting (it seemed that she didn't understand the timing) and once she understood my plan she sounded a lot more enthusiastic. I told her that if it was too awkward or complicated her plans in any way, that we would just forget it for today (since it was an unscheduled thing).

She changed her tune, and we agreed to have me pick up D4 at 5:15 at Wendy's, just prior to their departure for Girl Scouts. The timing was perfect - and it worked out well.

After Girl Scouts, W called me to tell me she was on the way back, and I told her we'd be at the playground at the mall. She drove by about 15 minutes later, and we waved to acknowledge her; she stopped the car to let D9 out, and she drove off to find a parking space. I thought maybe she'd just pull over and pick up D4 instead, but maybe she wasn't in such a hurry to get home after all. Minutes later she came walking up to me and the kids. We talked for about 15 minutes while the kids played - just about "stuff" - I showed her a gift I bought for my mother's birthday, we talked about the kids, asked her about school... It was a nice but short visit, and she was warm and friendly to me. When it was time to go we all walked back to her car. She told me that she left a message for the (DB) counselor for an appt on Friday (she ended up cancelling yesterday due to childcare conflicts) but I was happy to hear that she took immediate steps to reschedule the counseling as soon as Friday! Interestingly, she then (out of the blue) commented that she thought the gift I picked out for my mom was "very nice". This was several (15?) minutes after I showed it to her. She could have said nothing, but she felt it important enough to leave me with a positive comment.

I must say, these friendly encounters have really boosted my confidence and self esteem. I feel that I am giving her space, yet being that friend (but not bending over TOO far). She seems very receptive to the positive energy (something that I haven't always been projecting over the past couple of years). I've had a bit of an awakening, and realize that I am able to reap what I sew, as they say.

It is still not fast enough for me, but things are going much better than they have, so I will keep doing what seems to be working. I will keep my eyes and ears open for tripwires and mines so that I don't backslide, since things have been going pretty well.