Is the institution defunct?

[SDFoundGirl]

I won't lie, after my experiences in my M,I have lost my faith in marriage as an institution.

The mistake I think we make is thinking that the wedding license makes us secure. We rely on the paper and the law to ensure our marriages instead of realizing we have to constantly work on ourselves and our marriages.

My H and I were both older when we got married (I turned 30 on our honeymoon, he was 32), and we experienced the same issues that people who got married younger do. We're smart, hardworking people who made a conscious commitment to each other, and we still found ourselves in this situation.

What's the real culprit? Believing that our happiness relies on someone or something outside of ourselves. And how real are we, really, with each other? Do we communicate truthfully and without judgment? Do we hold grudges? How do we treat our spouses when they act in a way we don't like? Are we passive aggressive or moody, OR do we state clearly what we don't like and then let it go...detach?

I don't believe in soul mates or "one" right person. I think that perpetuates a myth and keeps the outward focus going. I have to choose and rechoose my H every single day. I have to work on myself and accept the responsibility of speaking up and asking for what I want every single day. Is it easy? No. But I am not a victim because I choose to be in this marriage with this man.

I don't think the institution is outdated; I think people just don't have a very accurate understanding of the work and stamina required in a M.

SD